Slender Threads of things to treasure
by kyosa neko
Summary: Mello was kicked out of his old room and forced to change to a new one. There he meets Matt, the redhead that's always been there - Mello just never noticed... Okay, this sucks. Just read it. M&M. Rated T for Mello cussing a lot, of course. Maybe AU
1. Revolation

Eto... welp, this is the first story I think I've EVER put out into the world on it's lonesome, so... play nice? Review's might be nice... I have a tendency of losing interest, so... x33

All apologies :3

Love, kyo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Heard you got into a mega-fight with Near?"

I ignored the nagging sound to my left.

"Heard you really went at him this time. Got in a good punch or two? Linda said Roger's moving you out of the room with Near."

"Shut the fuck up, Chubs. It's none of yours _or _Linda's business. Tell that bitch to keep outta my business or I'll kick the shit out of her, too." I bit back. The fat-ass kid - okay, he has a name, it's Toya - blinked at me, completely taken aback.

"God, PMSing, Princess?" He rolled his dark eyes.

"WHAT WAS THAT YOU LITTLE-?!"

"Mello, sit down!" Roger snapped at me. I didn't have the stamina to get on Roger's bad side twice in the same day, so I plunked back down in the uncomfortable seat and stared angerly at the trey of food in front of me. Kinda hoping someone - _anyone _- would trip over their own two feet and just face-plant in the meal I no longer intended to eat. Of course that wouldn't happen, though. And my stomach wasn't quite ready for the process of digesting an entire meal. As soon as dinner was over, I had to go to Roger's office. Which meant I was gonna get another harsh telling-to before being reassigned to a new room. Don't get me wrong, though. A new room was in no way a bad thing. Anything that got me farther from that snotty little albino shit was great news, in fact. But... what was it? "The enemy you know is better than the one you don't," or something? You get the idea.

I mean, I didn't know _every_kid in Wammy's. Far from it, in fact. I payed much too little attention to the people around me. I new Near - because it was my sole goal in life to squash him like a bug - and I knew Linda and her crew because they were annoying as hell. Aside from them, there weren't many people I could identify by name. Of course there was Roger, too, and Watari. And L. Not like any of us ever got to meet L. Not even Near or I, the top students, have ever gotten to meet the person we're so striving to become the clone of. I had my doubts as to whether Roger had even ever met L.

The point is, there could be a fairly large amount of kids at Wammy's that I _would not_ want to share a room with.

When the bell chimed, signifying the kids to return to their rooms, everyone started to file out of the cafeteria, chatting idly with whoever was standing next to them, I dragged myself out of my seat and slunk off down the hall towards Roger's office. Kids, at this point, didn't even bother trying to conceal their giggles. Because it was Mello. In trouble _again_. And no one expected me to lash back, because we all knew I was walking a thin line, and too many mishaps will push me right off the wrong side. So I had to ball up my fists, clench my teeth and attack them in my mind only, until I got to my destination.

I stood in front of Roger's office, debating whether I should just walk in, or knock on the door and refuse to enter unless he got out of his seat and opened the door for me. But I didn't need any more trouble, so I opened the door and let myself in. "Roger, I-" I started.

"Haven't I told you to knock before entering a room?!" And he was _already_ on my case. Could I have failed worse? I think not.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Sorry, okay?" I rolled my blue eyes, then noticed. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw the guy in the corner, his back against the wall. Can you blame me? He had pale white skin, black hair that was messier than Near's and heavy bags under his wide, dead-black eyes. A wrinkled white shirt, a pair of blue jeans and possibly the worst posture I've ever seen a human with - and for a second I wasn't sure he was even human. That'd scare the shit outta you too, right? Yeesh. "Woah!" I gasped, taking a step back. Then, ever me, I let my mouth slip. "Who's the freak?"

The second the words left my lips, I regretted them. Some buried instinct smacked me and told me I'd just made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I didn't know why, but I definetly knew I'd said something really stupid. Probably because Roger gaped at me as his face got red with anger. But before the first remark could leave his lips, the young man beat him to it. By laughing. Hm.

He paced across the room, and for some reason I totally expected him to have a limp. He didn't, of course, and actually he took long, easy strides to reach me, before leaning down a bit to look me in the eye. "This one's Mello?" He asked, his voice incredibly close to a monotone. "The 2nd one?"

I wanted to hit him. I really did want to. My fingernails dug into my palms and I bit my lip.

"Y-yes. Please don't mind him. He's a troublemaker, is all. He needs discipline." Roger cut in. I averted my eyes, because the man was staring at me. Staring through me. "You really should meet Near, though. I guess there's no better time than now."

"No." He turned his black eyes back to Roger. "No, I have too much to do. I'll visit again and meet some of them next time." He nodded, then returned his attention to me, offering his hand. "It's been a pleasure meeting you. I'm Ryuzaki." He introduced.

"Ryuzaki?" I looked at his hand distainfully before hesitantly shaking it.

"Otherwise known as L." He offered.

I blenched. Then realized where that horrible "Mello, you dip-shit" feeling came from before.

"Keep working, Mihael. But don't become too obsessed with your success." He warned, before leaving. Just like that. Just walked right out the door. I was still in shock when Roger snapped and started yelling at me. About everything, I think. It sounded like he was drudging up every single past mistake and throwing it in my face. But I hardly heard most of it. I snapped back into reality when I saw lightning out of the corner of my eye and turned my head slightly to look out the window at the water dripping down it.

"Look at me! Have you heard a single thing I've said?!" Roger slammed his hands down on his desk.

"Yeah, yeah, I hear ya." I bit back, regaining bits of my consciousness, though some pieces had been rendered worthless. "Can I just get my new room number? It's getting later and I'd like to spend some time before curfew to get used to the new room." I argued.

He frowned, but complied, digging through his desk and handing me a key with a neat 46 engraved in it, then held out his hand. I gave him back the room 23 key. "Behave yourself. You'll be staying with Matt, alright?"

"What's his ranking?" I asked casually, expecting a remark on how ranks are all I ever talk about.

"3ird." He answered instead.

I blinked, convinced I'd misheard him. "3ird?"

"Now go, before I start thinking about what you said to L!" He bit. I high-tailed it out of there and headed for the stairs. I was amazed with myself. How had I never thought about that before? I was so obsessed with becoming number one it never even occurred to me that there might be someone just below me, nipping at my heels, too. Someone who was striving to be 2nd. A threat to my plans.

I stood outside room 46, rain pounding hard against Wammy's, feeling my second realization of the day.


	2. Fight

Okay. I'll put this chapter up too, then wait and see if anyone even wants to read more x33 If not, I'll find somethin' else to do :3

'Tis all.

Oh, and sorry for mistakes. I only went over it roughly. And I'm bad at checking stuff I've written....

Love, kyo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I made a pact with myself. The person in room 46 was my enemy, second only to Near. The person in room 46 was trying to stop my goal from being achieved. But I did have to control myself, at least to the point that I didn't punch him. But that didn't mean I was gonna make friends.

With it all settled in my mind, I unlocked the door and walked in, ready to defend myself. But the boy didn't even glance up at me. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor - right in front of a freaking couch - with a PS3 controller in his hands and some sort of epic-looking battle-to-the-death on the TV screen. His crimson hair was hanging in his face making it so it would have been hard to see his eyes, if those weren't covered by orange-tinted goggles. Yeah, right? What _goggles_? He was wearing a baggy black and white striped shirt that made my eyes hurt and grey-blue skinny jeans that had horizontal stripes, too. An open, half-eaten bag of potato chips - along with another empty one, crumpled up into a ball - three boxes of pokey - a strawberry one eaten and discarded along with another strawberry and one chocolate open - three empty soda cans and two empty cups of ramen. I couldn't help the grimace that found my face. He was such a geek, and did he _live_ off of junk food or what?

I cleared my throat loudly. "Hel~lo?" I waved my hand in front of his face. He didn't move, staying focused on his graphic, bloody game that seemed to involve zombies... or Nazis... zombie Nazis? "I'M YOUR NEW ROOMMATE." I stated loudly. He nodded his head slightly. At least I knew he was alive - his fingers flying across the buttons of his controller being the only movement in his body. "MY NAME IS-" I tried.

"Mello." He finished. "I'm not stupid, don't treat my like a retard." His tone held no malice, but he totally pissed me off.

"Video games rot your brain." I bit.

He played one-handed long enough to grab a chip. "I've done just fine." He answered, before eating so he could use his hand fo the game again.

"Ugh, this place is discusting." I huffed. "How long have you been living alone here?"

"A few weeks."

"Are you new?" I blinked.

"Roommate's gone."

"Couldn't stand your living habits so he moved out?" I guessed.

"Stress." He muttered, his hand frantically searching for the pocky box while his eyes stayed glued to the screen. I humoured him for the sake of hearing the rest of the story and used my foot to nudge the chocolate pocky box into his hand. He grabbed one like one would a cigarette and put it between his lips. "Thanks," he offered, before a sudden seriousness overcame him and his hand flew back to the controller. A second of buttons clicking turning to guns shooting later and whatever he was fighting died with a scream.

"Stress?" I urged.

"Oh, he was 4th. Kousuke or something, I think." He muttered, his eyes still fixed on the screen. I was beginning to think he may never move out of that position - except maybe to change the game. "He got totally stressed out over becoming the next L and whatever." He just said "and whatever," didn't he? Wasn't it a big deal? Our life goal? "Said he was doing some research on stuff about L. On previous cases that he solved, all the things he did, right up to the Kira case. How one day that would be expected from one of us. All that work. All that success. Sleepless nights, sacrifices for the good of the world. How failing wasn't an option. And, okay, he never said all that to me out loud. But you could see he was thinking it. In his eyes and the way he held himself. He was falling apart just _thinkin'_about being L." He explained, munching on the pocky. "He was walking down the wrong path, thinking too much." He set down the controller since he had, I guess, beaten the game or at least the level. "Till one day," he held his fingers to his head like a gun, "bang. And he was done." He finished. "Stress free."

"Suicide?! I never heard of it!"

"Un. Watari tried to brush it under the rug and all. Kousuke only had a few close friends, anyway. He was already 18, so they just said someone made a job offering and he took it. Nothing out of the usual."

"So how do _you_ know he did it?" I huffed.

"Outside sources. 'Sides, if you saw him in those last few days, you could put the pieces together."

"Almost everyone goes through a little panic attack about that stuff at some point. Doesn't mean he killed himself." I rolled my eyes.

"Trust me, he did. Outside sources told me so."

"Bullshit, "outside sources!" No one has "outside sources" from Wammy's. You're making it all up!" I accused.

"Whatever you wanna think." He allowed. The worst part was that I knew, deep down, I believed his story. And I knew that he could tell I believed it, too. I could see a bit of Kousuke in me. In Near, too. In all of us, there was a bit of ourself that begged us to stop it before it snowballed until it was too much for us to handle. But there was also his non-chalance. Like he was the exception. Like the thoughts had never once crossed his mind, or even if they had, he had never taken them seriously. The annoying little geek. "It's nice to have a roommate again, though." He smiled at me, taking me by surprise. "I get sorta reclusive, so the only contact with people I'll have for weeks at a time would be my roommate."

"So what, you lock yourself up and live off junk food?" I frowned, even though he was still smiling. "What about classes?"

He shrugged it off. "I just skip classes for a while."

"What?! I heard you were 3ird!"

He looked up at me from the floor, with his eyes distorted by the goggles. After a pause, he answered, "seriously?"

I couldn't believe him. It had to be a trick. No one could be 3ird in Wammy's without even trying, without putting _some_ effort forth. God knows I work day and night to keep my position - or better - and even Near works. Well, granted, that's more of a he's-so-anti-social-he-has-nothing-better-to-do-than-study thing, but still, study he does. "How much do you study? I mean, when you skip classes, you dedicate some time to studying, right?" I tried. He frowned a little.

"What's the point of studying when you skip class? Then you might as well just go to the damn class."

"So, what, you just," I started.

"Enjoy myself a bit. Video games, snacks galore, and if I'm sure Roger's not lurking around I can sneak a smoke."

I grimaced. "No. No, that's gonna stop. There's gonna be no more of that." I ordered. He cocked his head. "Smoking." I clarified.

He jumped to his feet, officially tweaked. "Fuck you, you can't tell me not to smoke! Like hell I'll listen to you!" He growled.

"You will listen to me. I'm your roommate and I'm the boss." I snickered.

"Fuck that, who says so? What are you, a five-year-old?!"

"I'm boss 'cause I'm older. And taller." I informed.

"I ain't taking orders from a fucking transvestite!" He snapped.

"Why you little shit!!"

Before my brain could remind me how stupid I was, I had already hit him. Unlike passive-aggressive Near, though, Matt hit back. Harder than he looked like he could. What kind of geek can actually fight? Of course, once he hit me, I wasn't going to let it end like that, so in no time we were in a full blown fist fight until the brat went and drop kicked me so I hit the floor with a thud. "Learned that from Mortal Combat." He grinned, but his cheek was swelling, one of his cheek bones had already begun to bruise and his lip was split. I wondered if I looked that bad. "So do you admit defeat?" I made a disgusted sound in the back of my throat before spinning myself so my legs caught his and dragged him down, too. He hit the floor awkwardly, but I didn't allow time to worry before I grabbed a chunk of his hair and yanked it. "Ow! Ooooowwww!" He bit, one of his hands immediately going for my blonde hair. My free hand flew out to stop him out of pure impulse, but instead smacked him in the face. "Ow, Christ, you dip shit!" He growled. But I had a plan already.

"So, what's up with these goggles, anyway?" I grinned, reaching for them. He reacted instently by making an X shield with his arms.

"Uncle, uncle, uncle! You win, okay?" He offered quickly.

"What? What a bore." I sighed, tugging at his hair. He peeked at me from behind his arm shield.

"Say, don't you have luggage or something?" He asked.

"... Uh." I offered.

"Don't tell me you didn't even think about it." He smiled like a Cheshire cat.

"Why didn't you remind me earlier!?" I barked.

"Like it was _my _job?!" He bit back.

"Arg, I have to get my crap! God knows what Near'll do to my stuff, the little creep!" I flew towards the door.

"What? Hey, wait! It's already past curfew!" Matt lurched after me, grabbing my arm.

"So? If I don't get caught it's fine." I pointed out.

"Can you really get it all in one trip? Risking two is a bad idea, don't you think? Just wait until tomorrow." He offered.

"No way in hell. I want my stuff. Now."

"Why? It doesn't matter. Do you need pajamas? Just wear something of mine." He offered.

"Thanks, but no thanks." I frowned. "Do you have chocolate?"

"... Did you just ask that? What the hell, chocolate?" He made a weird face.

"Yeah, bye, I need my chocolate, thank you." I bid.

"I'm being serious! Do you really think-"

"Come be my pack mule, then." I grabbed his arm and dragged him into the hallway with me. "Near never remembers to lock the door, so it'll be just fine."

"That's not so much what I'm worried about." He huffed quietly, following me silently. I had to hand it to the nerd. He seemed like he'd had plenty of practice with sneaking around for someone with such goody-goody complaints.


	3. Honestly

Okay, more people than I thought liked it. Which is good. Because I've already typed up to chapter 8 =w=

So, lucky ducks, I'll continue to post it.

I'd like to quickly give thanks to waraigoto for being the first to favourite this story and sareyva for being the first to review it. Thank both of you, and everyone else that came later, so much :3

Love you all

kyo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"... You fought?" Near guessed, his dull eyes looking up while I grabbed everything that even remotely looked like it was mine and Matt frantically dabbed at his bleeding lip that had gotten worse.

"Shut the fuck up and go to sleep you little freak." I hissed.

"Just seems like you can never get along with anyone you're in a room with for more than 6 seconds." He smirked at me.

Matt waved his hand dismissively as the bleeding slowed again. "It's fine. It was a friendly fight." He offered.

"Friendly?" Near asked suspiciously.

"Yeah. You know, boys will be boys." He grinned lopsidedly, careful of the cut. I shoved an armful of stuff at him that he desperately tried to balance as I gathered my share of the load - mainly my chocolate haven.

Near started walking away as I pushed Matt to the door. "Forgetting all your stuff. No wonder you're 2nd." Near muttered has he slipped into his room.

"Why that-!" I bit.

"Shhh! C'mon, let it go, Mel. Can we just get back to the room already?" Matt begged.

I followed him out and quietly shut the door. "Did you just call me "Mel?"" I accused immediately.

He flinched. "S-sorry?" He offered. I ignored him as we acended the stairs, thinking about why the nickname didn't bother me as much as it used to. Probably because Near would call me Mel just to piss me off, but Matt used it so innocently. As soon as we reached the room I headed straight for my bedroom - which I hadn't even looked at, but I could guess it was the door without all the video-game themed posters on it. And guess what? I was right. Matt followed me with the armful of stuff.

"Mello, are you pissed at me?" He checked.

"Shut up and dump that stuff on the bed." I wasn't mad, but I've never had to say that before. So I didn't. He dropped everything on the bed.

"Fine. 'Night." He waved a little, walking out the door.

I hate to even think it, but maybe Near was right. Maybe I _was_bad at getting along with... anyone I've ever met. Maybe I had already surpassed the sane point of "anti-social" into a grey area that I was going to regret later on in my life.... But later was later, and now is now. And _now _I need to do everything in my power to beat Near, even if it meant potentially putting my distant future on shaky ground. I'd do anything at this point. Anything to make sure I was the next L.

* * *

"Matt!" I yawned, stepping out of my room, half way through pulling my black shirt on. "Matt, wake up!" I pounded my fist against his door - almost punching Zelda in the face.

"Shut up." His low, quiet voice came from the living room instead, taking me by surprise. I blinked, peeking around the wall into the room. He was already seated on the couch and playing and old-looking Mario game on a... was that a Super Nintendo?

"Woah, you're an early bird?" I snickered. "I took you more for the sleep-till-noon kind."

"Couldn't sleep." He grumbled. "Believe me, if I could I would be." As soon as he beat the level he set the controller down to eat...

"Urg!" I gaged. "Is that ramen?! How can you eat ramen this early?"

"There's nothing here for breakfast." He explained.

"Then go to the cafeteria, you freak!"

He shrugged. "Hey, I can stomach it, so it doesn't matter." He shifted to his feet to pace passed me and throw away the empty instant ramen cup and wooden chopsticks in the garbage. "What were you yelling about?" He grumbled, running his fingers through his disgruntled red hair.

"Oh, get dressed and ready. We're going to class." I didn't let it escape my notice that, despite the fact that he had chosen to wear a striped tee shirt and boxers around the house, he was still wearing those goggles. I briefly wondered if he even slept with them on.

"No thanks." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Don't "no thanks" me!" I bit. "You're going to class even if I have to tie you up and drag you there."

"Oh, kinky." He smirked. I didn't hesitate to take a swing at him, which he ducked from. "Okay, okay, I'll go, Princess. You happy?"

"Hardly." I bit. "I'm going, then. I'm gonna catch breakfast." I dismissed, heading for the door.

"Hey, hey, wait up!" Matt called from his doorway, trying to pull on his skinny jeans, right before I could make my escape.

"What "wait?" You already ate breakfast." I huffed.

"Heh?" He paused. "...Don't ya wanna walk to class together?"

"Yeah, bye." I walked out the door, catching the small frown that met his lips for only a split-second.

I scarfed down a half way decent breakfast before rushing to class and making it just in time. As I sat down the kid next to me - Jeret, another one in Linda's little crew - decided that it was fine and dandy for him to kick up a conversation with me.

"Near said you already got into a fight with your new roommate." I started blankly at the chalkboard as he whispered. "Not like I can blame you. You're with the 3ird kid, right? Matt? I never liked him much, from the little I know about him. He's kinda freaky, I think. He's always wearing those goggles and he's never gotten in trouble for it or anything. Plus he's got such a high rank even though he hardly ever attends class." He threw a glance back. "Not here today, either."

I finally turned to him. "He's in this class?" My attention snapped back forward as the teacher cleared his throat loudly.

"Yeah, you didn't know?" Jeret asked in a quieter voice. "Well... he's hardly ever here and plus he sits in the far, back corner. And he rarely talks to people, I don't even think I've ever heard his voice, either. Has he talked to you? I wonder what his voice is like? Anyway, then there was his last roommate that totally disappeared." I let my eyes flicker to him. "Some say he got a job and left, but I dunno. None of the guy's friends would talk about him after, and Roger was so dodgy about the subject. It's completely suspicious. Matt sure seems like the quiet type, but some kids say they think he's a complete psycho path and that he killed his ex-roommate." He nodded a bit. I frowned.

"You shouldn't spread so much gossip." I warned frostily. "It'll come back to bite you in the ass."

He shrugged it off and let the subject drop. The second the teacher announced we could have a break I bolted for the door. "Mello?!" The teacher yelled. "Where do you think you're going?!"

"I'll be back!" I promised, before running for my room. I threw the door open and there Matt was. Sitting on the floor again, still playing that Mario game. But he was on the same level I could remember him defeating this morning, leading me to think that he full circled in beating the game and started from scrap.

"Oh... you knew we were in the same class?" He asked, eating a pocky and not looking up at me.

"No... well, I found out. But, what the hell Matt?! I told you to go to class!"

"Take a pill. It's not that big of a deal. I didn't think you'd care that much. This morning you left without me and didn't even bother making sure I really left, so I thought you weren't too concerned about it. Thought you saw it coming." He mumbled.

"I told you to go to fucking class and I damn well meant it!" I growled.

"Why? People know where to find me here." I was about to ask him what he meant, but he answered before the words could leave my mouth. "Roger came by because Near told everyone I looked like shit." He paused. "You know, you really didn't have to go at me that bad. I hardly even bruised you. Anyway, he came by to see if it was true, ask how I was, see if I wanted you to move out and stuff. So it's convenient when I'm here, and Roger's never once told me to go to class."

"Wait, ignoreing that you're obviously being spoiled, what was that last thing he came for?" I watched him carfully. "What... what did you tell him?"

He looked up at me. "Hm...? I told him "no," of course. Why would I want you to move out?" He asked it like he honestly couldn't comprehend why anyone would ever want to get rid of me. I blinked away a sudden urge to cry and swallowed it down.

"Oh... well, thanks." I offered, rubbing my neck.

He flinched. "Oh... I died." He dropped the controller, pouting.

"Good, then. Now that you have free time on your hands you might as well come to class." I grinned. His bottom lip puffed out.

"Un. I guess." He muttered, not even budging.

"Okay, come on, we're gonna be late." I grabbed his arm, pulling him to his feet and towing him out the door.

"If we're gonna be late anyway, why hurry?" He muttered. I ignored him and pulled him through the hall, taking the stairs two at a time. Images from outside the windows blurred passed us as we ran for the classroom. I slid to a stop, panting as Matt halted without breaking a sweat. There were collective gasps as everyone saw the damage I had inflicted on Matt's face. He immediately ducked his head and slunk towards the back as I plunked down in my seat.

"Wow, you sure did do a number on his face." Jeret chuckled, looking back at Matt. I turned to see that Matt's face was nearly as red as his hair and he was trying to hide himself behind his arms. "Did you threaten him to come to class or something?" Jeret asked.

"He lost the game." I shrugged.

He cocked his head. "Lost... _what_ game?"

I didn't bother answering as the teacher started the next lesson.

I lost the game D:


	4. Lunch

I'm so happy people are actually enjoying this :3

But that means I have to type more soon x333 Not now, though. I just finished my whole English essay in one sitting. It was on Edgar Allen Poe =w= So.... this chapter has some stuff in it

(she can't remember what happens)

Matt... eats.... one bite of normal food :3

And, I find it nessisary to mention that the stories original titles was supposed to be read: Slender Threads (of things to treasure) and that the name is from lyrics from a Dashboard Confessional song.

Love,

kyo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You're dismissed for lunch." The teacher announced. Everyone immediately stirred around, either heading out to go to the cafeteria or to eat a packed lunch or bentou - depending on their nationality. I shifted to my feet, stretching, before throwing a look back. Matt was uncomfortably squirming in his seat while Linda sat next to him, chatting in his ear. I smirked, debating with the idea of leaving him, before walking back to him.

"Come on," I started.

"Zip it, Mello." Linda stuck out her tongue. "I can't believe you. Look at poor Matty. You freakin' split his lip!" She bit.

I frowned, but didn't have a solid argument. Matt was staring down at his desk, not meeting any eyes. "Fine, fine, whatever." I shrugged, ready to leave. Matt's head snapped up to look at me. "Come _if you want_." I offered, walking towards the door. I could hear his seat push back before he suddenly had my arm in his hands and clung to it. I let him until we got to the hall, where I shook him off. "God, _Matty_, grow a spine will ya? Tell Linda to fuck off if she's annoying you." I snapped. He put his hands behind his back.

"Sh-she... Linda wasn't _bad._" He murmured. "She doesn't like you, though. And she totally thinks you abuse me." He scuffed his feet across the floor.

"What?! You didn't even correct her?!"

"I-I-I-!" He stuttered.

"Nevermind." I waved my hand. "Let's just eat."

"Oh... can I go to the room?" He bowed his head.

"What, so you can have a tv dinner for lunch? No way."

He frowned. "No, I wanna have a smoke. I haven't since you moved in."

"And it's staying that way." I growled.

He pouted. "I'll tell everyone you raped me."

"Then I'll tell everyone that you're in love with me and you only _wished_ I did." We glared at each other for a long second, but he crumbled quicker.

"Please? Just one smoke? You wont have to deal with the smell or anything. It'll air out by the time you go back to the room." He begged. "Pleeeeeeeease?! I'll do anything!"

"Anything, huh?" I grinned. He swallowed hard and nodded quickly. "I'll keep that in mind. Okay, you can go, then. But you _better_show up for class after. And you're eating dinner at the cafeteria, too. Got it? And that _doesn't_ count as my "anything" wish. It's an order."

He nodded before, really suddenly, wrapping his arms around my neck and hugging me. I froze until he let go and bowed his head. "Thank you so much, Mello! You're the best!" He lifted his head to smile at me. Somehow I felt like I had lost some sort of battle, and it pissed me off. But I smiled back without even thinking. Before I could get another word in edge-wise, he was already making his way down the hall to the nearest staircase. I went to the cafeteria, feeling defeated. I ordered whatever caught my eye first and sat down, knowing I wasn't going to get a bite before _someone_came to bug me. So I took a hurried spoonful of the chicken curry and tried to get it to my mouth.

"Mello!" Linda plunked herself down next to me.

"Fuck." I muttered, setting the full spoon down. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

"You think I'm gonna scold you?" She smirked as Toya and Jeret sat behind her.

"Yes. And... is one missing?" I noted.

She threw a glance back. "Oh, you mean Erity? She's sick." That's who it was. Linda's roommate, Erity, the smartest of her gang, rank-wise. She had been 5th the last time I'd checked, which was a while ago. Now after Kousuke's death or disappearance or leave or _whatever_, she might have been bumped up to 4th. I wonder if she saw Matt as a rival, like I did Near. Did she hate him? "Not the point, my dear Mel." I frowned. "And I'm not gonna yell at you. Not just yet. I want your side of the story - since Matt doesn't have a side. The boy wont talk. Does he hate me or something?" She rolled her eyes. I had an uncontrollable urge to say "yes," but I bit my tongue. "So you tell me. Why did you hit him?"

"For the _record_, he did hit back." I bit. She examined me. "I know I don't look it. Not my fault he's weak. But it hurt _when_ he was hitting me."

"Want sympathy? He's a computer geek. Of course he can't hurt you as much as you can him. You took martial arts classes, Mello." She tsked. "So why'd you attack him now?"

"My ribs are bruised." I defended, before realizing I was fighting a losing battle and gave up. "And we just got into a fight. It's none of your business. Can I eat now?"

"I'm making it my business." She announced. "So tell me what happened."

"Fuck that." I bit. "What makes you think you can _make_ it your business?"

"'Cause Matty's such a cutie~!" She squeed. I grimaced back. "And you hurt his pretty-boy face, asshole. So start explaining or I'll sick the fan base on you."

"Fan base?" I muttered back. "You're kidding?" I hoped.

"Not in the least. Maybe you, as a guy, can't properly admire it, but Matty's fiiiine." She nodded.

"Wait, Linda, is that really why we're here? 'Cause I'm hungry and... don't care about this subject." Jeret interjected.

"Yeah, I wanna eat lunch, too." Chubs added.

Linda waved her hand, shooing them off. "Mello, though, isn't allowed to eat until I have an explanation. And a vow that it'll never happen again." She smiled sweetly at me. "Matty's anti-social," she added, and her subordinates scurried off, "but a different kind than you, Mel. You're a more haphazard, accidental anti-social. I mean, it's not like you shy away from crowds, in fact you like being the centre of attention, am I right?" She smirked. I sighed back, knowing I wasn't going to eat for a while. "You don't hide, but people shy away from you. No doubt because you're violent and use brute force to plow your way through obstacles."

"Why does it sound like you aren't making this analysis off the top of your head?"

"You doubt me?" She gasped. I gave her a look. "Okay, so I got it all from Jeret. But you're getting off track again. Matty's different from you. He avoids people all together and shys away from company. And I'm sure sadistic you might see this as a perfect opportunity to use him as a lackey. He's smart, a quick learner, obedient and if he doesn't listen, you're stronger. But, Mello, I'm serious when I say," she looked me straight in the eye.

"I think you've got this all wrong." I waved my hand dismissivly. "It was just one fight. I'm not going to use and abuse him, believe me. He's the laziest person on the face of the planet. And I don't want to ever fight him again. You and I both know I'm already in deep shit." I sighed. "And _now_ can I eat?"

She smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess. You _sound_ sincere." She offered.

Without any warning or a word, Matt showed up, sat himself down across from me and - using my spoon - took a bite of my lunch. "Ga-! Fuck you!" I pounded my fist against the table, but Matt didn't even flinch. He set the spoon back on my plate and shrugged.

"Too spicy." He decided. "And the rice was over-cooked."

"You live off microwavable noodles! You don't have the right to denounce the cafeteria staff's cooking." I bit. He smiled back at me. Linda giggled, jumping to her feet.

"So, Mel, it's decided then? You and Matt'll come over to study tonight after dinner? And to wish Erity your best, of course." She grinned.

"What?!"

"Good. See you two then!" She waved.

"We're studying?" Matt mused after she had skipped off.

"No!" I snapped.

"I thought you liked studying." He cocked his head.

"Not with Linda. No thank you."

"Well, it's only polite. You promised, after all." I opened my mouth to argue. He held up his hand. "I know, Mello. You didn't. But it's the thought that counts. And we have to wish Erity a...." He trailed off.

"She's sick." I urged.

"We have to wish Erity a get well soon, then." He nodded.

"People say you don't like being around people, but I find that hard to believe." I muttered.

"Who said so?" His voice sounded suddenly serious.

"Everyone." I mumbled in between taking a bite of my curry. It was spicier than usual, but I couldn't tell if the rice was over-cooked or not. It seemed perfectly normal. He didn't utter another word, just watched me carefully while I ate. I looked up, but he didn't avert his eyes. I still couldn't tell what colour his eyes were through the orange tint. "If you're hungry, order food." I muttered. He shook his head and turned his attention out the nearest window. Watching his profile for a brief minute, I went back to eating.

Matt wasn't bad looking. I mean, he was a little strange looking, between his striped attire, the goggles and crimson-coloured hair. But that was it, he was just an odd-ball, not ugly or anything. No, maybe he wasn't just "not bad looking." Maybe he was even "good looking." _Maybe_ he was sort of "handsome." Tousled hair; smooth, pale skin; boyish looks; thin, lean body; and you couldn't see his eyes or, really, anything above his nose, but you could tell he had a nice face, full lips.

I shook my head a little, snapping myself out of my sudden analysis. Okay, so he was okay-maybe-good looking. But was he really fan base worthy? I mean, _really_? How many people could admire Matt that much? Were there people who would really have the time to notice all those little perfections of his between striving to be number one? Well, you know, aside from myself. I didn't count, right? I mean, I'd be living with him, after all. And my analysis could be- er, _is _purely to help myself be number one. I had to detail him, after all. Because no matter how innocent he seemed, he was still 3ird. Still an enemy. An opponent. A threat.


	5. Waiting

I never mentioned it before, 'cause it's so self-explanatory, but I've nothing to say, so~

Matt, Mello, Near(coughcandiehack), Linda and no one else belongs to me. Well... Linda was based off of that brief flash of an appearance she made in the manga... aside from that, she is mostly mine... you get the point. The character concepts are Ohba-sama's, and the looks are via Obata-sama. Not me.

Love

kyo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"C'mon, Mello!" Matt urged me out the door. "Don't walk so slow!" He whined.

"Why are you so freakin' eager anyway?" I groaned, letting him tote me through the hallway. "I don't even know what room Linda and Erity stay in!" I added, sure I had won the battle.

"Room 38." He turned to me. "Right?"

"...Um... yeah?" I paused. "I just said I didn't know!"

"... It was rhetorical anyway. I know I'm right." He looked forward again. I was going to ask how he knew, but we were already at the door and I had to go back to worrying about how much Linda likes Matt and how little Erity might. He cheerily knocked on the door and waited for an answer. There sounded like there was a great struggle from inside before the door flew open to Linda, who was looking back into the room.

"Erity! Organize those wires! I almost killed myself!" She bit, before turning to us with a big smile on her face. "Welcome to our humble abode! So glad you could make it!" She stepped aside with a mock-curtsy - since she was wearing jeans.

Matt bowed deeply. "Thank you for having us." He answered in a jokingly-serious voice. Linda giggled as I pushed Matt into the room.

"Make yourselves at home." She invited.

"I knew "studying" was a load of bullshit." I huffed.

"Nu-uh! I do want Mel's help. Erity never helps me, and who better to ask for help than the 2nd guy in all of Wammy's? After all, Near's a creep, so asking him is out of the question." She spat.

"... So you don't need Matt." I pointed out.

"Eh? Well, yeah, but he'd be lonesome sitting at your place. Besides, you never would have come if I just asked you to come over and help." She shrugged. She was right, though, and it was pretty clever.

I sighed. "Matt, you don't have to...." I trailed off. He had himself seated - on the floor - next to Erity, playing some racing game. Erity's short, black bob cut hair kept falling in her face, forcing her to move it and swerve off-course. Matt, for some reason, did just fine with goggles and his hair in his face. "Matt, can't you play games on your own?! When you visit someone else's place you just start up?!"

"Versing the computer player isn't any fun. I like real opponents sometimes." He looked back at me, his car staying on course on the screen. Erity huffed, frustrated. Matt laughed, turning his attention back to the screen. "It's fine, right? You're gonna help Linda. After all, Erity's ranked 4th, so she doesn't need help, and we have the same game interests."

"You sound like you already knew all that.... Is that why you were so eager to come, you little-!"

"Stop complaining!" Linda bit at me. "Now sit down and help me." I sighed, obeying. Linda was a mathematics person, meaning her area of expertise was closer to Near's than mine. Which also meant that I could help with most of the things that she didn't get. So we went through page after page of questions while Erity lost race after race and challenged Matt again and again. Sound like fun?

"I dunno, who cares?" I mumbled, with my cheek rested againt the cold table.

"Stop getting lazy." Linda huffed.

"I'm not lazy! I really don't know! It's a dumb question, skip it."

"No way, we haven't skipped any questions so far!" She pouted. I ignored her. She sighed. "Erity!"

"If Mello doesn't know it, I probably don't." Erity called back.

"None of us will know it! Skip it! No one memorizes that kinda crap!" I begged.

"No way! Erity! How did the African American writer J. Saunders Redding describe the arrival of a ship in North America in the year 1619?"

Erity turned with a dumbfounded expression on her face while Matt picked out his next car. I imagine he was hoping he'd find a striped one. "Mello's right, it's worthless. Just skip it, Lin."

"_Sails furled, flag drooping at her rounded stern, she rode the tide in from the sea. She was a strange ship, indeed, by all accounts, a frightening ship, a ship of mystery. Whether she was a trader, privateer, or man-of-war no one knows. Through her bulwarks black-mouthed cannon yawned. The flag she flew was Dutch; her crew a motley. Her port of call, an English settlement, Jamestown, in a colony of Virginia. She came, she traded, and shortly afterwords was gone. Probably no ship in modern history has carried a more portentous freight. Her cargo? Twenty slaves._*" Matt recited. Everyone paused to stare at him. He only looked up to notice after he'd chosen his car, glancing at Erity. Then he turned to see Linda and me, met my eyes for a brief second, before flushing a deep shade of red. "O-o-or something." He stuttered. "I th-think. I-I-I-I," he ducked his head, "I'm sorry." He mummbled.

"That was awesome!" Linda burst. "How did you do that? Where did you learn it?" She questioned.

Matt rubbed his neck. "Learn? I didn't... I just... I dunno, I saw it somewhere a while ago and I...."

"Saw it? Do you have photographic memory or something?" Linda asked.

"N-no." He shook his head, still looking down.

"Are you sure 3ird is your rightful place? If you actually tried I bet you could make 1st without a sweat." She nodded.

Matt flinched. "Not really. 3ird is... I'm okay." He mumbled. "Um... how much more do you have? Can we go home? It's getting late."

"Oh... yeah. That's enough." I got to my feet, nodding. Matt hastily got up, too.

"Bye, you two!" Linda waved.

"Come race me again after I practice!" Erity added.

I left quickly, while Matt sauntered after me, closing the door quietly behind him. "I-I'm sorry Mello." He mused.

"What for?" I rolled my eyes.

"I... dunno. I feel like you're mad at me." He murmured.

I was. Somewhere deep down, I was pissed off that Matt had that information. And what Linda had said - that he could easily be number one. Was it true? Was Matt smarter than all of us, he just didn't apply himself? Had he given up? Or did he just never care to begin with? But why would he be here if he didn't want to achieve anything with it? Didn't he want to strive forward, to be the best, to be the next L? I wanted to ask him, to demand a reason from him, but I didn't feel like we had attained that level of familiarity. Maybe he had a good reason. Matt seemed to be harmless, and you'd think he'd been an open book. Like Linda said, he'd be the perfect lackey. Open, honest, blindly loyal. I felt like if I asked, he'd answer, but it would leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. Like I'd forced an answer from him, even if I hadn't. For the first time in my life I felt like someone was truly trying to distance themselves from me. I was used to people not liking my company, but it was completely different with Matt. He had no problem being with me, but I could feel him drawing back in his mind.

But it must have been my imagination. Matt was so chipper around me. It must have just been me. I wasn't used to someone like Matt - someone who'd cling to my arm without thinking, or suddenly hug me - so my mind denied it and tried to make me think that Matt was still pulling away. Still distancing. Getting farther and farther and not waiting for me to catch up.

"Mello...? Daydreaming? Come on." Matt's low voice snapped me out of my reverie. He was standing with our door open, looking back at me - who had fallen behind. I blinked, before jogging to catch up.

"Are you okay?" He murmured as we entered room 46, his hand hesitating to feel my forehead.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I turned my face away. His hand dropped back to his side as I paced to my bedroom.

"Are you mad?" He asked as I was slipping into the room. I looked back at him, his hands clenched at his sides and his expression earnestly worried about what answer he'd get.

I smiled a little. "No." I promised, watching his entire stance relax and a big smile find his lips.

"I'm glad." He mused, not even thinking about the possibility I might lie to him.

* * *

*Matt's little quote there a la _A People's History of the United States_by Howard Zinn :3 I read weird books....


	6. Farther

I... dunno how bad this chapter is. I know that pretty soon is when I got tired of myself, so I stopped proof-reading my own work. And I don't have a BETA 'cause I'm the kind of person who really hates asking for favours.... Point being, pretty soon my legibility will probably get less coherent. Grit and bear it, please :3

Also, sorry the first two paragraphs are kinda large. I had to re-type it because my dad turned off my computer... so the first draft was a bit better... but... sorry ^^;

No one belongs to me. Not even MikuMiku. And if you don't know MikuMiku (look to bottom notes) I recomend looking her up. And Kaito. And Kamui. And Rin and Len. And... you get the point.

I got an idea for... much... much later. But I don't feel like finishing the chapter I'm on. You lucky ducks don't have to deal with that for a while, since I've already typed up to chapter 9 x3

Ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen,

kyo

I looked away from the starry sky to glance back at the computer geek lying side-ways across my bed on his back, with his head off the corner, leaned back, to stare at my tv screen that had Nazi-zombie blood all over the place. I imagine playing any game upside-down would be difficult, but Matt was managing quite fine. Lately he'd taken to sneaking into my room any time I left the house to play games on my TV - which was bigger than the one in the living room, and the practically ancient one in his room. I'd gotten only a few curt glances at what the inside of Matt's room looked like, though. As far as I could tell, his room was mainly for hand-held game consoles and computers. Three, as far as I could tell. If I had to guess, I'd say one was strictly business only, used for school work and school work alone. Everyone in Wammy's got a computer, and it was the only one we were supposed to have. It was blocked and protected from anything Wammy's didn't want us to know. Where Matt got the other two, I'd probably never know. But I'd say the second computer, on the opposite side of his room with tons of wires and add-ons around it, was his "outside sources" computer, the one that he's probably eliminated all the blocks on and has made sure is absolutely untraceable. Then there was a laptop that I've caught glances of it in it's case a few times in his room, propped up next to his Wammy's computer. The only reason I know for sure it exists, though, is because I've seen him bring it out into the living room a few times, playing games on it. So that's probably his gaming computer. Once, during one of Roger's routine visits to make sure we hadn't beaten each other up - Roger started doing that the first few weeks, but it's slowed considerably, since I guess he'd started to trust us - Matt had his laptop with him and Roger hadn't given it a second glance. Meaning, I suppose, that Roger is fully aware Matt possesses it and has probably inspected it, so it probably had all it's Wammy blocks on it. I had yet to figure out how Matt managed to get around Roger's annual room inspection - that Watari sometimes took over if Roger was in a foul mood and L didn't need his help himself.

I felt like a lot of time had passed since I'd moved in with Matt, and I'd start to forgot about my encounter with L sometimes. But once in a while, when Matt locked himself in his room and I could hear the tacking of the keyboard coming from the left side of his room - the "outside sources" side - and I found myself alone in the living room or my bedroom with a blank TV in front of me and maybe a game sitting on the floor, devoid it's console, which had found it's way to another part of the house, I'd have time to think about him. About his wide, dead-black eyes that had seen more than I could ever imagine. Had seen so much that simply knowing about it had (maybe) driven an individual to suicide. The dark rings under his eyes, trophies of sleepless nights due to the overpowering need to learn more, or the worry that he knew too much already. His slouched shoulders that carried the world. But before I could think too much, I'd hear Matt mumble an "I'm hungry" from his room and I'd make a bee-line for the kitchen to find cup ramen and set water to boil. If I heard him and got there first I'd have the pleasure of watching Matt enter the kitchen to make himself something before he saw me there. Every time, no matter how often it happened, he'd react the same way. He'd straighten out his posture and look at me as though he couldn't believe his eyes. That expression was so much fun that I had started to try and overhear the mumbled statement and beat him to the kitchen, and when I didn't and he came sauntering out of his room while I was still seated, I'd feel disappointed. Of course, watching Matt eat was just as fun, because his goggles would get fogged up, making it more and more difficult for him to find his mouth. So that became another mini-game in my daily life with Matt. Every time Matt sat himself down at the small, round kitchen table to eat I'd sit across from him and watch - which made him nervous and therefore made his mouth even more difficult to find. But when he'd take the cup with a mumbled thanks and slink back off to his room, I'd be disappointed again.

I wasn't sure if I'd gotten any closer to Matt in the time we'd been living together. He'd come to class, but only if I made sure to walk with him and made sure he got there. And sometimes he'd disappear after lunch and not come back for the rest of the day. But if I gave him my permission to smoke, he'd usually come back. That didn't garentee anything, though. A few times he had stood up right in the middle of a lesson, walked out the door mumbling something about getting a drink or going to the bathroom, then not come back for the rest of the day. I'd gotten him to come eat at the cafeteria a bit more often, but he was still twig-thin. I still felt like he'd draw away from me emotionally, but I'd learned to deal with it. Once in a while, when he was walking into a room he didn't expect me to be in, he'd halt and rock back on his heals before he let himself walk into the room, and that would piss me off. But I'd swallow down the feeling and ignored it.

"Matt?" I murmured. He paused his game and looked over like he'd just realized I was there.

"Yeah, Mello?" Ever since that time at Near's, Matt had never again called me "Mel," even though _everyone _else had taken up the habit. Once in a while I wanted to tell him it was fine to call me by a nickname, but it always stuck in my throat.

"How long have we been roommates?" I asked.

"How long? I don't know, a while I guess. I didn't mark it on my calender." I think he rolled his eyes at me, but it was hard to tell.

"You probably have a weird, computer themed calender." I tried to conger the image.

He puffed up his cheeks. "Mean. I have a MikuMiku* calender." I couldn't help but smile a bit. He smiled back. "Why?"

"I was thinking... remember when you said you'd do anything since I let you smoke?" His smile faded. "I've let you smoke a lot more, haven't I? I get a lot of stuff at this point, right?" I added. He started to frown, before he awkwardly shifted himself to a sitting position.

"Alright, what do you want?" He fidgeted.

I looked back outside my window. "Run away."

"What?"

"Not run away forever." I shook my head. "Just somewhere outside Wammy's gates. Just for a little while." I continued.

"Why?" He muttered.

"What do you mean "why?!" We never get to get out of here! Don't you want to get out?" I bit. He shook his head. "Can you even step foot out of this place? I've never seen you go outside, either!"

"Okay, okay, Mello, we'll sneak out if you want."

"You _can_ call me Mel, you know! Everyone else has already decided to!"

"Breathe, Mello." He laughed. I frowned, realizing how dumb of a rant that had been. "Dress warm, okay? It's chilly."

"You'll really sneak out with me?" I blinked. I really wanted to ask if anyone actually still used the work "chilly," but I bit my tongue.

"Yeah, why not? I thought you'd make me take off my goggles." He grinned, slipping out my door. I ran after him, grabbing my jacket.

"Wait, I get more stuff! I want that one, too! Hey, Matt!" He went in his room, closing and locking the door. "Matt!" I yelled, wailing my fist against his door.

"Holy Christ, Mello!" He popped out, catching my fist that was ready for the second hit. "Shhhh! We'll get caught if you make such a racket! Calm down for a second." He chuckled. Did anyone say "racket," either?

"No." I bit. "Goggles. Off. Now." I ordered.

"I should have kept my mouth shut." He sighed.

"Do you sleep with them on or something? Or shower? At this point has the plastic become embedded in your skin?"

"Oh, that was kinda gross sounding." He grimaced as I tried to grab his goggles off his face. "C'mon, I'm sneaking you out. Isn't that good enough for tonight?"

"Then tomorrow?" I hoped.

He swallowed hard. "I dunno. Maybe."

"Why?" I huffed. "It's not like you've got anything to hide. Do you even know what _colour_is at this point?" He frowned at me before pulling me to the nearest window. "What's with your roadkill jacket?" I tugged at the hem of his beige vest with sheep skin lining as he stuck his head out to look down. He leaned back in to mentally calculate and write an equation in the air.

"The room just below us is empty." He decided. "Someone's moving into it next week. So, I'll jump down to that window sill, then the rest of the way should be easier."

"You want _me_ to land on a little window sill?" I gave him a look.

"You can try if you want. But you don't have to. I'll already be down there, so I can catch you." He shrugged.

"That sounds even less pleasant." I assured.

"Suit yourself." He chuckled, slipping himself out the window and suddenly vanishing from my view. I threw myself at the window to look down. Matt had himself perched on the window sill one floor below us and was turning himself around to face the way he was going to jump. I definitely didn't think I could do that. Without a seconds hesitation, he jumped again, this time landing in the grass below with a soft thump. My hands were already trembling by the time he threw his head back to look up at me and nod a "come on" gesture. I was already second-guessing this plan. I mean, how were we getting back up? What if I totally killed myself trying to get down? If we got caught, we were dead meat. But I couldn't just call down a "I changed my mind" and leave him down there. He was still waiting, even though a few long seconds had passed. He looked so far away.

I shook my head and mouthed "I can't." I saw his shoulders sink from a sigh, before rising in a shrug and he turned his back to me and started to walk away. "Matt!" I whisper-called. He flicked his wrist to wave. "Matt! Get back here!" I panicked as I felt his presence getting farther away, so I started to climb through the window in a desperate attempt to get closer again. "Matt!"

He turned his head and a smile met his lips as he turned around and started back towards me. I looked down at the small window sill, completely doubting myself. He better have meant it when he said he would catch me. I waited until he was closer before closing my eyes and leaping from our window. "Oof!" Matt grunted, falling back. "Way to warn me." He chuckled, his voice way too close to my ear. He had successfully caught me, but it had knocked him on his ass, so I was sitting in his lap.

"I... I got down, didn't I?" I huffed, feeling dizzy.

"Yup. Now come on, we don't have all night. Or do you prefer sitting like this?" He rubbed his cheek against my arm teasingly. I jumped to my feet and smacked him up-side the head. He rubbed his red hair, shifting to his feet. "Okay, hurry." He took my hand and started to pull me through the courtyard.

* * *

*Hatsune Miku

And note this: I lurve Matt's roadkill jacket. I think it's the cutest :3


	7. Closer

Gomen, gomen, gomen, gomenasai!!! I know this took an eternity to get up! I know! I know! -bows-

I got a BETA~ We had... some... technical difficulties, is all. Most of which should be good now. Hopefully. If not, we'll work out the kinks. Please be patient!

Thank you all, and most especially xElementFivex for being my BETA and being so nice to my old-fart computer~!

Love you all,

kyo

* * *

"A park?" I noted.

"You said you wanted out, but you never said where to. What do you have against parks?" Matt pouted, seating himself on a swing.

"Nothing! I just don't think kids our age normally _go_ to parks. Like... ever."

"What 'kids our age?' This park's actually a popular date spot."

"... I think you failed to win the conversation."

"Yeah, I think you're right." He admitted. "But parks are nice. You don't need to be a certain age to have fun at a park." He chuckled, pushing himself on the swing.

"No, Matt, at a certain point you _do_ get too old to giggle like a school girl because 'Oh, wowie, a swing!'" I assured.

"So what, you just hate swings, then?"

"Would you stop that? And stop swinging!" I bit.

He obediently dragged his feet to slow himself, raising clouds of dust at his heels. "Fine, I'll humor you. What do you want to do?"

"I want you to take off your goggles." I huffed, crossing my arms.

"Aw, Mello, that again? Come on, really? _Anything_ but that?"

"No, just that."

"Liar. I'll do anything but that. There's gotta be something you'd want more."

"Make me L's successor." I demanded. He looked up at me, and I stared him in the eyes. His gaze stayed level with mine for a long moment, before he shifted his eyes down to the ground.

"Why's everyone so dead set on that, anyway?" He mumbled at the dirt.

"What?! That's why we're all here! Why are you here if you don't want to succeed L?!" I barked.

"Do you really think being L is that great? All that power, all that trust and faith put into _you_. Keeping up with the reputation, hiding away from the world 'cause half of it wants you _dead_? That's what everyone wants to be?"

"And _you_ don't?! Why'd you even come to Wammy's?! Or at the very least, why are you staying here?!"

"I didn't come here because I wanted to! No one politely asked if I wanted to battle an entire slum of kids so I could waste my life solving everyone else's problems! I'm here because they _found_ me and decided they _wanted_ me. They decided all on their own that I should want this, that I was "smart" so I belonged here!" He muttered furiously, pausing to breath as he ran his slim fingers through his hair again. "I liked where I was, and I miss it. I wasn't an orphan; they just took me away from my mom like it was no big deal. If I could leave, I would. But do you think they'd ever let me? Let me just walk out the door, full of all the information I am. And since I can hack, they don't know what information I might have on me. Do you think they'd let any of us just _go_? Even the ones who get jobs out of Wammy's, of course they still monitor them. Don't be mistaken, Mello. They don't trust a single one of us."

"You sound completely off your rocker, Matt!" I bit. "Of course Roger trusts us."

"Really? Come on, Mello. If you had to monitor us, how would you feel? Getting all of the smartest kids on the _planet_ and putting them all in one building somewhere in England, just to shove more and more information down their throats and make them all compete to be number one. Would you trust any of us not to get violent? Not to riot, to rebel?" His shoulders slumped as he rested his elbows on his knees and his head fell into his hands. And he looked so fragile. He _did_ just look like an innocent kid who'd been pulled from a happy family life, and thrown into something horrible, a survival game for humans. And we were all competing to be a sullen-eyed slave-to-humanity. My head sunk down my shoulders a bit and I sat myself in the grass in front of Matt.

"What was she like?" I asked, changing the topic. He lifted his face just enough to give me a confused look. "Your mom."

A smile graced his lips. "Mom's the best. She raised me as a single mother, but she was always the best. Even though her son turned out like this," he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "An obsessive, technology geek that can't tear his eyes away from video games and forgot what colour the world was." He slumped forward. "It's only when I describe myself out loud that I realize... I'm really quite unattractive, aren't I?" He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. "No, Matt, believe me, you aren't."

He smirked. "Awwww~! It means so much more coming from you. So you're admitting you totally have a crush on me?"

"No." I bit. "You have a fan club, I mean."

"Fan club? So what? So do you." He shrugged a bit.

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"You didn't know? I thought you did. Isn't it more shocking that _I_ do? I'm surprised enough people know I exist to form a club out of." He let out a breathy laugh.

"You laugh a lot, even when you're obviously not humored." I muttered. His laugh faded out quickly.

"I... guess I do. I haven't heard you laugh once, though. Have you ever thought maybe you just keep better company?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, right. _That's_ it. Say, getting back to that colour thing," I added. He groaned, displeased. "C'mon, Matt, just take off your goggles. What's there to be embarrassed about? We're at a park in the middle of the freakin' night. I'm the only person here. What are you so scared of?" He flinched away from the word 'scared' like it had bitten him. At first I thought it might have hurt his pride, and he'd retaliate, and I'd end up getting my way. But instead he rubbed his arms.

"Just drop it, Mello." He begged.

I blinked. "You _are_ scared." I realized. "What the hell of?!"

"Shut the fuck up, Mello. It's none of your business." He snapped.

I clenched my jaw, trying not to bite back. Instead I turned my back to him and sat like that. "Do you remember anything? Like the colour of the sky?" I muttered.

"It's black, dipshit. It's almost midnight."

"It's not black. It's blue, just almost that dark. What about the harsh cerulean just before night time? The crystal blue of a cloudless afternoon? Or the pinks and blues of sunrise, or orange, yellows and reds of sunset? What about the green of the grass, or leaves in autumn, or the blue shadows of fresh snow? Colourful flowers and butterflies? Don't you ever wonder? Do you know what colour my hair is? Or my eyes? Or _yours_?"

"My hair is red." He muttered. "I remember. It's blood red."

"Your eyes?"

"I remember. I have Mom's eyes, so of course I remember. But I'm not telling you." He huffed.

I held my tongue. "What about me?"

"Y-you're... hair is... dirty blonde? Your eyes are... probably... hazel?" He guessed.

"Pfft!" I let out, quickly covering my mouth.

"I was wrong? What colours?"

"I'm not telling you." I repeated back, looking up at the starry sky.

He sighed, deflated. We sat in complete silence for a while, only the sound of Matt shifting awkwardly once in a while. I, honestly, had gone back to concerning myself with exactly how we were going to get back to our room. Suddenly, Matt's hand touched the back of my head, making me flinch - having totally thought he was going to hit me. So it surprised me when he suddenly ran his fingers though my hair, a lot more gently than when he did it to his own messy hair. "Silver blonde." He murmured. "It looked a lot darker."

It took my brain a second to put together his sentence before I spun around, my mouth already open to say words I was pretty sure would come to me when I saw him. But they didn't, because I was too startled. Speechless, looking like an idiot with my mouth open. Because I was almost sure that by the time I turned around his goggles would already be back on his face. But instead I met actual _eyes_. Green eyes, to be exact. Emerald eyes, a perfect complementary to his crimson hair.

"And your eyes are blue.... They looked darker, too." He stared intently, looking almost angry.

I couldn't help it. I started to laugh, and for the life of me I couldn't stop. He grimaced, already reaching to his neck for his goggles again. "N-n-no!" I gasped through my laughing, grabbing his wrist. "No, I'm sorry. It's just, th-the marks." I laughed. "It left marks on your face... it makes you look like a raccoon, if you coloured it. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it! Don't put them back on."

He frowned again, his free hand reaching up to feel the ridges under his eyes. "If I sleep without them, I wonder if it'll be gone by the morning...?" He murmured.

"Would you go to class without-"

"No." He answered. "Actually... about class...." He murmured. I frowned at him already. "I don't really want to go...."

"Matt." I bit. He flinched.

"Y-y-y-yeah, I d-didn't think s-s-so." He stuttered out, freeing his other hand to rub both his eyes. "It looks so...." He paused, looking up at the sky, confusion clouding his beginner eyes.

"Different?" I prompted.

"Real." He spat the word like there was something wrong with it.

"Yeah, Matt, this is the real world. Not some video game." I rolled my eyes.

"I never looked at the world that way... well.... But, I mean, it just seems so much more like something... I have to _deal with_. Like there's no avoiding it." He muttered harshly, before his eyes suddenly softened. "It is still blue." He noticed. "And was the moon... always that pale?"

"It hasn't gotten any paler." I rolled my eyes.

"Hm...." He pursed his lips, displeased by something. "I don't like this place." He decided, and before I could stop him, his goggles were back on his face and he was standing. "We should head back before someone notices." He decided. I looked up at him from the ground, frowning. "Unless you wanna sit out here all night on your own." He offered. I quickly got to my feet.

"Are you sleeping without them?" I asked.

"Probably not." He answered bluntly, starting to walk. I sighed, feeling utterly defeated and completely ready to get home to my bed. "But it wasn't a total loss. I got to see you, and you even laughed for - well... _at_ me." He smiled, looping his arm with mine. "Now come on!" He urged, breaking out into a sprint. I tried to keep up with him. Once we were closer to Wammy's his arm suddenly left mine and he was ahead of me in seconds. He kept charging forward, and I quickly realized he wasn't going to stop. Not in the traditional way. Nope, he ran, bracing himself to an abrupt halt against a window, making a loud thump sound.

"M-M-Matt!!" I grabbed the collar of his vest and yanked him back. "Are you fucking stupid?!"

The window was thrown open. "Fuck, was that you?" A black haired, very Japanese looking boy peeked his head out. "Mail?" He whispered. I gripped Matt's vest, ready to bolt, but he freed himself from me and skipped up to the window.

"Yusuke, sorry to bother!" He chirped.

"Fuck you, "sorry!" It's 3 in the fucking morning. Normal humans _sleep_ at this time, you know?!" He bit. "What on earth are you doing?!"

"We went for a walk." Matt jerked his thumb back at me, making me flinch. The boy's hand went to the bridge of his nose, but didn't find the glasses he must have usually worn when it wasn't "3 in the fucking morning," so instead he squinted into the dark.

"Your girlfriend?" He guessed.

I snapped. "Listen, mother fucker, wanna say that again you little shit?!" I bit harshly, taking a few long strides closer to the window, but Matt quickly held up his hand to detain me.

"Boyfriend?" The boy blinked. I opened my mouth to snap back again, but Matt beat me to it.

"Roommate." He corrected.

"Ah, good. For a second there I thought you were cheating on me." He grinned, patting Matt's red hair.

"Yeah, yeah. Say, we can sneak in through your window, right? 'Cause you love me oh-so-much." Matt smiled sweetly.

"Of course, my love. Anything for you." He returned, stepping aside.

"C'mon, Mello." He tugged me to the window, urging me through. We quickly snuck back to our room, and I made it that far. I made it until Matt was taking off his vest, actually.

"Okay, what the fuck was that?" I finally asked.

"Hm, you mean with Yusuke? Er... "Yoji," I guess...." I nodded. "He's a childhood friend, actually. That "love" thing is just a joke between us, so don't be jealous." He smirked. I frowned back. "When we were, like, 4 we promised we'd get married 'cause we were best friends and, y'know, girls were icky and all that." He laughed. "Although I do wonder if my mind-set has at all progressed, seeing how now I just avoid _everyone_." He shrugged.

"Childhood friend?" I murmured.

"Yeah, y'know. Everyone has that friend from kindergarten they grew up with that knows every little embarrassing detail and waits every second of everyday for you to go out with someone so they can tell them all your completely embarrassing stories 'cause they just love to fuck with you. That's Yusuke."

"I grew up in orphanages." I reminded. "I don't have those kinds of "friends.""

"Oh... lucky." He mumbled. "Believe me, it's not fun to have one of them."

"Isn't it weird to be that close to someone? I mean, with that whole "love" thing. Isn't that really... unnatural?"

Matt cocked his head. "Is it? I dunno.... Want me to vow to marry Mello, too?" He tried to throw his arms around me, but I quickly dodged.

"No, I'm good. Now get to sleep. We have class tomorrow."

He pouted, slinking off towards his room and pulling his shirt over his head at the same time.


	8. Mom

I still feel bad about how long it took me to update the last chapter. Plus, I found out I already have chapter 10 typed, I just forgot to save it in it's own file. AND I'm well into chapter 11. So I decided to post chapter 8 a bit (very) early as a celebration/apology chapter. Also, if you happen to know any really creepy nursery rhymes or anything, I'd love it if you would leave them for me in a review or PM them to me. And also, I'd like for you to yell at me, please. See, I've been meaning to make myself write a fanfic about PrussiaxAustria from Hetalia, but I always put it off. Even if you aren't a fan or the manga/anime/couple, please yell at me to do it anyway :3

Thank you, banzai and I'm sorry,

kyo

* * *

"Matt, wake up!" I called from my room, punching the wall that separated us while I tried to find a clean shirt. There was no response by the time I was fully dressed, so I walked over to his door and knocked. "Matt!" I yelled. Silence greeted me. With a heavy sigh, I opened his door, surprised to find it unlocked. I stepped carefully around the wires all over the floor. The 'outside sources' computer wasn't where it was supposed to be, though. The shelf it was normally on was crammed full of books, and the computer was on the floor, tangled in wires at the foot of his bed. His bed was just a messy mosh of blankets and pillows, moving ever-so-slightly in tune to Matt's breathing - buried somewhere underneath it. The window at the head of his bed was covered by a black-out curtain. I carefully made my way to his bed, nudging the thick blanket. "Matt, get up." I ordered. He groaned in response and shifted a bit. "I'm not letting you skip classes!" I huffed, pulling at the blankets.

"Ugh! Mello?" Matt grumbled, a hand freeing itself and blindly trying to find me - to stop me. "Get out of my room before you break something." He ordered.

"Bastard!" I bit. "Get up!"

"All right, just go!" He leaned up suddenly, giving slack to the blanket. I fell back, pulling the rest of the blanket off the bed withme, tripping over a wire and hitting the floor just as I heard something else fall off a shelf and shatter upon impact withthe floor. I held my head, which had taken the brunt of my fall, with a pained moan. "Mello! Are you okay?!" Matt's panicked voice asked, quickly right in front of me. I opened my eyes enough to see Matt's face a bit too close to mine, goggle-less green eyes wide and worried.

"What'd I break?" I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut again. I felt like my head should have been bleeding, but I was pretty sure it wasn't.

"It doesn't matter." He promised. "Are _you_ okay?" He asked again. "Let go of your head, let me see it." His warm hand pulled my clammy fingers away from my head so he could bury his fingers under my hair and softly feel my head. "There's a bump, but it isn't bleeding. Are you okay?" The third time he asked, I realized I hadn't answered the other two times.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What did I break? What was the wire to?"

"Hm? The wire?" He sounded like he'd just remembered. "I don't think it matters. I think it was just my clock. And a picture fell. Nothing too expensive. It's fine." He promised.

"Good, 'cause I don't have money to pay you back." I muttered.

He laughed. "Yeah, I figured. Don't worry about it. You're sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I muttered, looking at him again. "The marks are gone." I noted.

"Oh!" He realized, his fingers feeling the skin as he glanced back at his night stand, where his goggles were set. "I wanted to see if it would... I actually forgot about it." He laughed. "I was wondering why everything looked different."

"It's cloudy, though, so you can't see the sky." I shrugged.

"Shame." He smirked, rubbing his eye and running his hand through his hair. I immediately thought of when he'd done the same thing to my hair, and was overwhelmed withthe desire for him to do it again. I had already opened my mouth to voice the opinion when I realized how completely stupid it sounded. I was acting like a love struck school girl. "What is it, Mello?" Matt blinked, noticing my I'm-about-to-say-something face.

Mello, not Mel, I noted. My mouth snapped shut as I flushed red. "Wh-what? N-nothing." I stuttered. "Idiot. Get up. I can't stand with you hovering over me like that!" I bit quickly. He flinched, standing and stepping back, reaching out for his goggles again, his eyes looking hurt. He was retreating from my anger. Retreating to a different kind of world he saw through his goggles. A world I would never see or understand. A world he felt safer in. I almost jumped to grab his goggles first, but gave up the idea and settled for walking over to the shattered glass by a high-hanging shelf that still held a blank clock. I carefully picked around the broken glass and snapped frame to pull out the photograph.

A slim, tall woman with long, auburn hair smiled at the camera, her green eyes sparkling in the sunlight of summer. Her small boy clung to her pant leg, also grinning at the camera. His red hair was a mess, and his eyes carefully hidden behind tinted goggles that were too big for his face and made his eyes resemble an insect's. But they were at a blue, blue lake, and the young Matt was wearing his swim trunks, so the goggles didn't seem out of place - unless one noted that they were biker goggles.

Matt clicked his tongue against his teeth. "Doesn't look like the frame can be saved. And the glass cover is shot anyway." He sighed. "I guess it was about time I took that old picture down anyway."

"What? Why?" I asked, looking up at him. He had his goggles on his head, not covering his eyes, to my relief.

"It's been there for forever. And I was just a kid. I don't even remember that day. I feel like an idiot for keeping it out so long." He shrugged.

"That's... your mom, though?" I asked dumbly.

"Yeah." He mused.

"You look a lot like her." I noted.

"Really?" He murmured, examining the picture. "No, she looks way better." He laughed. "All my friends said they had crushes on my mom. They said she was the prettiest mom ever. She was young when she had me, too. Still a teen." He crouched down by me. "I only have a few pictures of her. That one, one from my 9thbirthday and one from when she was pregnant with me. I'm not sure where that one went, but the other one should be by my computer somewhere." He contemplated. I examined him as his green eyes scanned the computer table - the Wammy computer.

"You _are_ a pretty boy." I muttered.

"H-heh?" He looked at me, blushing.

"No, never mind." I sighed, feeling defeated.

"U-un...." He agreed, rubbing his neck.

"Get ready for school." I ordered, standing up to stretch my arms over my head.

"No...." He murmured.

"Excuse me?" I bit.

"S-sorry... actually... I have something to do today." He traced circles across the floor with his index finger.

"You fucking liar!" I snapped. He flushed.

"N-no! I really... I have to go...." He shifted awkwardly on the floor, before pulling his goggles back over his eyes. "Do you want to come?" I gave him a look. "It's not illegal or anything. Roger's taking me somewhere." He waved his hand to dismiss my look.

"First of all, even if that wasn't complete bullshit, Roger would never take me anywhere. He hates me. Second, that's complete bullshit."

Matt frowned, fiddling with the corners of the photograph until they started to fray. "I'm going to visit my mom. Watari said it was okay, as long as Roger "accompanied" me." He mused. "I wanted... I _want_ you to come meet her, too." He added shyly, scratching his cheek.

"Really? Then why didn't you tell me yesterday?" I asked suspiciously.

"I didn't want to get my hopes up." He laughed, but it had a bitter edge. "I feel like there's a big chance of Roger totally canceling."

"Don't be a pessimist! You should be really excited! Wait... is this the first time they've let you go see her?"

"Y-yeah." He admitted, rubbing his neck.

"So get ready! And I hope you don't plan on wearing those goggles to see your own mother." I tsked.

His fingers traced around the goggles. "I'm... keeping them on. I can't believe I took them off in the first place. They're staying like this now." He assured.

"What?! It's not like the world imploded or something, right? What's your problem?" I snapped. He flinched away from me, making my stomach churn in a familiar way. "Urg!" I crouched down, leaning my forehead against my knees. "Am I really that scary?" I muttered.

"N-n-n-no! J-just... loud!" He murmured, flailing his hands.

"Loud?!" I bit. He jumped.

"Okay, okay! Then you're scary! Are you happy?"

"I don't want to be _scary_ either!" I barked.

He cringed away from me, closing his eyes like he was expecting to be hit. "Then fix yourself!" He whimpered. A moment of silence hung in the air between us, before Matt slowly opened his eyes again, covering his mouth. "M-Mello... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to say," he started.

"No, Matt, it's fine. You're right." I sighed.

"... I... am?" He mused. "Are... are you sure?"

"I was getting angry with you even though you hadn't done anything wrong. Instead of yelling at you I should try to fix my own behavior."

"... Yes, that is _exactly_what I was driving at." He bluffed. I gave him a look. "M-Mello, I think you're taking things a bit too seriously. I didn't mean anything by what I said, really." He tried. "You're great the way you are. You don't need to change a thing."

I scoffed. "Damn straight I'm great the way I am!" I huffed. "Don't you ever think otherwise."

"M-Mello, don't get mad, okay?" He fidgeted. I tried to ready myself before I nodded. "Are... are you bipolar?" He asked in a quiet voice.

I frowned. "No." I answered curtly, then paused. "I don't... think. I mean, no, of course not." I huffed, standing back up. "Get dressed; we have cla- erm... to go see your mom." It felt weird to suddenly shake the habit.


	9. Ice

She updated!!

Um... enjoy.

xoxo

kyo

* * *

"Sweetie~!"

I'd like to get something quickly out of the way: Matt's mom was nothing like Matt. Aside from their eyes. She was a perky, open, fun-loving woman who immediately came sprinting out to give Matt a big hug. He, in turn, quietly hugged her back, burying his face in her stomach. I was a little surprised at her height. She had to be at least 6' to maybe 6'3". She gave Roger a firm handshake, thanking him at least five times, before she let her attention fall on me, Matt still bundled up in her arms - seeming perfectly content there anyway. "You must be Mail's friend." She smiled warmly at me.

She wasn't wearing any makeup, but she had a natural beauty. Her long auburn hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail so that tendrils of it fell in her face and cascaded over her shoulders. Roger cleared his throat heavily, but she ignored him. "F-friend...? Oh... y-yeah." I nodded, wondering if that was what I was. I had never thought of myself as anything but a roommate. "I'm... Mello." I held out my hand with hesitation.

"Mello?" She blinked. "Nonsense!" She tsked at me. "Your real name, now. I don't like secrets. I'm Aida. Aida Jeevas, since I bet he's never told you his name." She mused her son's hair. "It's Mail Jeevas."

"Madam, they aren't supposed-"

"Oh, hush!" She shushed Roger. "It's fine here. There isn't any harm. Your name?" She looked at me with her big, emerald eyes.

"M...Mihael Keehl." I answered.

"German?" She smiled. "It's a very lovely name." She added, patting my head. "I'm making dinner. It's alright for you all to stay, right?" She asked Roger. He nodded curtly, not looking very pleased with the idea, but letting it slid anyway. Matt loosened his grip on his mother to take my wrist.

"Mello, let's go somewhere before we eat." He added, a spark in his eye.

How was I supposed to know what that spark was? That it was just a small bit of the bottled-up Matt. That that spark might one day spark a bit brighter. And brighter still. That that spark may start a fire that wouldn't be put out. We were just kids. Brilliant kids, striving to win, and hold back the pain. Being better than the rest. Wanting and hating, pushing and pulling, ebbing and flowing. How was I supposed to know anything would change about it? How was I supposed to know we wouldn't stay that way forever? That that spark was a glimpse of a smothering flame that could, any minute, be re-ignited. That thought would never cross my mind as Matt tugged me to the yard, and Roger tried to argue - first with us, but Matt wasn't listening, so then with Aida, who was just as stubborn.

"Don't stray too far!" She called. "Hearing distance, Mail! I'll call when dinner is ready!"

Matt didn't answer, but I felt like a silent acknowledgement had happened between the two as he pulled me past his backyard, like any other. The grass was starting to wither from the cold, there was an abandoned swing set, rusting from neglect, and a dog house. Out of which a Siberian Huskey sprang out to charge straight at us. I let out a squeak as I jumped behind Matt. But the dog came to a quick halt before it trotted at his side, instead of devouring him alive (which is what I thought might happen.)

"Hey there, Kita." Matt patted the dogs head, who lovingly nuzzled him back. "My dog." Matt added for me. "She's getting old though." A lingering note of sadness was in his voice. He stopped to kneel down and scratch the dog behind her ears and give her a kiss on the head. She licked back. "She might not be around the next time I come home... she's older than me." He hugged her around the neck and she looked up at me over Matt's shoulder. "She has eyes like you." He added, laughing. I looked at her crystal blue eyes before remembering that I once read somewhere that looking a dog in the eyes was challenging them, and quickly looked away. She barked loudly at me, making Matt throw his head back to laugh loudly as I flinched away.

He quickly shifted to his feet, giving Kita one last pat on the head before he nodded for me to follow him again and led me through the yard. I threw a glance back to see Kita waiting with a longing look in her eyes, like her master might never again return from where we were going. "Can... can your dog come with us?" I asked quietly, feeling bad.

"Hm? She could, but she won't. She's scared of the woods, and she hates water anyway, so she wouldn't follow us." He shrugged.

"Water? What water?" I gave him a disdainful look.

"We have to cross a pond-y lake."

"... A what?" I gave him a look. He laughed a bit.

"A small lake."

"Um... you do know it's... like, I dunno, _freezing_?" I bit.

"It's fine. It's a still lake, so it'll be mostly frozen over. You'll just have to be careful of thin ice."

"Wh-what if I fall through?!"

"I'll pull you out." He waved a hand.

"I might freeze to death!!"

"Relax, Mello. We aren't in Alaska. It's not that cold. If you fall through the ice we'll go back home and get you dry clothes." He assured.

"What if _you_ fall through the ice?" I dared.

"We'll keep going, probably." He shrugged. "There are worse things than catching a cold. But I don't want you to get sick."

"What kind of...." I muttered, but followed him through the dying woods, bare branches scratching at my cheeks. He led me sure-footedly through the trees, while I stumbled over upturned roots and fallen branches behind him. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"Somewhere." He answered.

"Where is it?"

"Nowhere."

"How long will it take?"

"Some time."

I was getting impatient. "What is it?"

"... Elsewhere."

I think it must have been that pause. That split second of hesitation that did it. That made that simple word, that normally would have pissed me off, instead become a rock. And Matt dropped it onto thin, thin ice that shattered beneath it, and it sunk. _Elsewhere_ sunk somewhere deep inside of me, never to resurface. Somewhere now sunken to the depth of me. So my tone became less curt, and I became more willing to hear more about Elsewhere.

"Is it from when you were a kid?"

"Yeah."

"How many people have been there? Besides you?"

"No one." He admitted. I couldn't find a question that mattered more than the answer to that one. Since I was silent, he rambled on. "Not even Yusuke. I-it was my place growing up... wh-when my dad left us, I spent a whole night there. Mom was worried sick when I got home, and I caught the flu. I still think I wouldn't have gone home if it weren't for that. I would have stayed there forever if I hadn't gotten such a high fever. I had to go to the hospital and everything. Mom took me too a psychiatrist, too, just in case. She was worried about me. I saw the guy for a few weeks... but...." His voice disconnected, and I imagined his eyes might have, too. "The guy... my psychiatrist used to go to Wammy's... he's the one who noticed that I was different. He recommended me here... I didn't know what I was getting myself into. He said it was a school for the gifted, that's all. It was only after I entered that I found out that it was a competition... and that I couldn't see my Mom anymore. It was an orphanage...."

"Matt?" My voice cracked. His attention snapped to me.

"But it's okay. I got to meet you, anyway." He grinned. I knew he was trying to distract me. Make me forget I had heard all of that. I saw right through it... so I pretended it worked. Because Matt had accidentally showed me something he didn't want to be seen. So I tucked it away in my pocket, and pretended I had never picked it up to begin with.

He continued leading me through the woods until, lo and behold, we came to an almost frozen pond-lake. And by almost frozen, I mean hardly at all frozen. "Matt," I started as he studied the pond-y lake, "this is definitely not safe." I concluded.

"It's fine. Don't be scared."

"Can't we... I dunno, walk around it?" I offered instead. Although as far as I could tell, it may not end - the water just pulled back into thick trees - I supposed it HAD to stop, or else it would be a river, and therefore be in motion.

He shook his head though. "It goes a long ways away from the path, and a mean old man owns the land on the other side. He sets up bear traps on the side. I almost stepped in one once." He admitted.

"... Matt, I'm thinking we should turn back and forget about this. What if your mom finishes dinner? We can't hear he from here."

"It's fine." He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket.

"When?!"

"Mom slipped it to me. We'll be fine. Come on, now." He took my sleeve and tugged me towards the dangerous-looking body of water. I tried to dig my heels into the dirt, but he wasn't having it. "Look, Mello, it's easy. It's a lot stronger than it looks." He let go of me and stepped onto to ice, sliding a bit, slowly making his way halfway across. "Are you coming?"

I almost bid him a farewell, but a thought snagged me. The rock in my soul felt heavier. _Elsewhere_ was just a bit away. Just a pond-lake away. Matt was headed for that Elsewhere, and I was letting it slip away. "W-wait up!" I tentatively stepped where I was pretty sure Matt had started and tried to follow his expert steps across the icy death trap. I am proud to say that I almost made it all the way across without any casualties. Almost. Not quite, though. Last minute, once Matt was already across and I was just a few steps away, I heard the distinct, loud _crack_. Matt's eyes got wide for a split second, and I mentally prepared myself for the cold water (and long walk back to the house) but Matt reached out to grab my hand and quickly jerked me forward so the ice made a fine crack across the whole of the pond-lake, and I - again, may I remind - fell onto Matt. "Y-you know, it's only when I go places with you that I always worry about getting back more than getting to." I muttered at him, sitting up - so that I was still sitting on his legs. He leaned up with me.

"It's par for the course." He promised, reaching up to my face. "You're cold." He added.

"You're warm." I frowned, liking the feel of his hands on my cheeks. "But really, _Mail_, how are we getting back?"

"Well, _Mihael_, I guess we're gonna have to run like hell across the ice." He grinned, patting my cheeks once. "Upsy daisy!" He chirped, and I stood up obediently, as he shifted to his feet. My face felt cold without his hands.

Like when he had run his fingers through my hair, I felt the strongest urge to inform him of this. I bit my tongue and watched as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "Only a little farther." His warm voice spilled into the air, and I felt my face warm up, more than his hands. I slapped my own cheeks and followed after him, wondering if I was getting sick.

But my buried instinct knew. I was already on thin ice.

* * *

Kita is named after my extended family's huskey, Nakita (whom I always call Kita)


	10. Elsewhere

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY.

As a writer, I seem to apologize a lot....

As of now, I don't have internet at my house (I'm at a friend's now) and I have no idea when I'll get it back. I can post this because my BETA e-mailed it to me. I'm sorry. So sorry. So very sorry. I'll post as soon as I can, but I don't know when that'll be.

I'm sorry,

kyo

* * *

"Matt?" I muttered into the dark, feeling like maybe my voice would lose its way and never make it to Matt's ears. He didn't answer, only enhancing my fears. "I'm worried." I admitted, not liking the feel of the words in my mouth and convincing myself that that was the reason I let them out.

"Don't be." He answered, his grip on my hand tightening almost like it was supposed to reassure me. I found it exceedingly difficult to not be worried when I was somewhere - judging by how long we'd been walking, very far - in a cave and I couldn't see a single thing except black. It was getting colder and colder the longer we walked, but Matt's hand was warm. I knew if I let go of the redhead for even a second I may never find my way out again.

"D-do you _know_ how long it's been? What on earth is your mom making? Did she kill off Roger or something?"

Matt let out a loud laugh, his voice echoing off walls that must have been farther away than I thought they were. "No, no, I promise. She probably distracted him with small talk." But his pace quickened as if he'd just remembered that we did have a place to get back to. "Come on, it's only a bit further."

I felt some of my worries melt away with this reassurance. Because I was that much closer to Elsewhere. It was only a bit further. It didn't occur to me that quite a very long time ago he had assured me with almost the same words.

Matt pulled me into an abrupt turn and "only a bit further" I could see faint light. Was Elsewhere outside the other opening of the cave? I felt so excited I picked up pace so I was almost next to Matt. "Duck." Matt warned as he leaned down to slip under the smaller opening. I followed suit, almost hitting my head, but managing to gauge my height just enough.

The small entrance opened up to a place I was surprised was _not_ the outside. Instead it was a large dome-like opening with holes in the ceiling, letting rays of light trickle down, illuminating the walls with a faintly blue glow. It was something close to stunning, I had to admit. Matt smiled at my shocked expression, still not letting go of my hand. I didn't mind. I needed something to keep me steady as my eyes adjusted to the new level of light. "Matt, it's--"

The Mario theme interrupted me. Matt flipped open the cell phone to read the message it offered. "We need to go." He relayed.

"But," I started.

"Dinner will be ready soon. We have to be in hearing range by then."

"But we just got here!" I argued.

"Roger will throw a royal fit if we aren't there when Mom calls."

"Matt, I wanna stay!!" I mustered up my best 'that's final' tone, but he didn't bite.

"Mello, we have to go." He answered.

"Ma-"

"Next time, Mel. But if we aren't on time, there won't ever be a next time."

I shifted. "You called me Mel." I answered.

"Sorry." He murmured, pulling me back to the small opening in the wall - the only opening there, I realized.

I mentally recoiled from his apology. "No." I muttered back. "I like it."

"Hm." He sounded amused by the idea. "I don't." He admitted. "Everyone calls you that now. I don't like calling you what everyone else does. I like calling you something different."

I frowned, even though in the dark - and with his back to me - there was no way he could see my expression. "Only adults call me Mello anymore." I noted. "Teachers and Roger and Watari and them." I paused. "And you."

"Hm." He sounded displeased by the idea. "I can't call you Mihael. I'll get in trouble." Even though I loved how my name sounded in Matt's voice, I didn't give him this opinion.

"You and your 'childhood friend' call each other by your real names." I pointed out.

"Not on purpose. That's just a hard habit to break." He paused. "I could call you Melly."

"I might kill you."

"Might?" He purred.

"As in, just for suggesting it. If you actually tried, I'd have to kill you." I assured.

"_Have_ to?" He chuckled.

"It's in my code of honour."

"... Honour?"

"Zip it, Matty!" I bit back.

"So sorry, Mihael." He laughed.

"Jeez, you. You can't just jump around because you can't pick a name." I sighed.

That was the last of the talking. The rest was left to rushing. And though I found it hard to rush _away_ from Elsewhere, I kept the promise of visiting again ringing in my ears. That was enough. Almost enough. I mean, don't get me wrong, the urge to turn back was strong, especially faced with the craggy pond-lake. But, with Matt's urging, I persevered. Until we heard his mom's faint voice calling out into the woods, and I realized I was no longer allowed to turn back.

We emerged from the woods while I picked leaves out of my messy-as-all-hell hair. Aida Jeevas was on the back porch watching us with Kita at her side, eagerly wagging her tail and watching Matt. Waiting, I think, until we were a safe distance from the woods she so dreaded. I awkwardly pulled my hand out of Matt's before his mom could say anything. "Welcome home." She greeted instead. I liked the warmth in the unfamiliar words. When I guess we reached the right point, Kita came bounding up to Matt, who leaned down to pet her. Roger peeked out from inside the house, looking like he couldn't believe we'd come back. I ignored him to pick leaves out of Matt's messy hair.

_Next time_. Next time Matt came home, he'd take me with him. And we'd go back to Elsewhere. Matt's place, more than anything. But I was the one he'd allowed to enter. It was sacred, I felt. And Matt had dubbed me not tainted enough, not sinful, clean enough to enter. _Next time_, I reminded myself. I could go back next time. I had lost nothing on this trip. Only gained.


	11. Chat

The power of your love compelled the internet to work again. Sorry about that hiatus. Something big is coming, though. Which means I was (am) in writer's block anyway. I have up to 14 ready for all of you, though. This chapter starts to show of my foreign language fetish for the first time.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

I looked up, slightly taken aback by the apology. I waited a second, staring at Matt, to see if he'd continue with a reason. But he was already halfway into his room and wasn't turning around, his striped back retreating from me. "Wh-what?" I blurted before he was too far gone. He paused in closing his door to look at me. "What for?"

He flushed an impressive shade of red and ducked his head. "I-I don't know. You looked like you were in a bad mood... so I thought... I dunno, maybe you didn't like coming? Maybe you hated it? S-so I'm... I'm sorry." He rubbed the back of his neck.

I blinked, unsure of how to answer. When he made a move to close the door again I quickly cleared the space between us and jammed my foot in the door's way. He stared at me, his eyes wide behind the goggles, his lips already parted to ask. I held up my finger in a 'wait' sort of gesture and he closed his mouth, watching me carefully, looking ready to run like I might attack him.

Of course I hadn't hated my visit to Matt's house. I quite enjoyed it. I sort of wished Roger would butt the fuck out, but I understood the precaution. The only reason I was peeved off was because I really would have preferred to stay at Elsewhere for a bit longer. But again, that was pretty much all on Roger. I was in no way mad at Matt nor was I displeased with our trip in the slightest. But, again, I was _this_ type of person. Telling Matt straight-up, to his face that I liked visiting his house was... hard to do. Pretty much admitting I ever liked anything was a task. Those were the words that stuck in my throat and threatened to suffocate me. Because words were hard to take back, I knew. And I dreaded the thought of ever saying words I'd want to take back. On the other hand, if I didn't deny it, if I didn't inform Matt that he was wrong, that I _liked_ the trip, he wouldn't take me back. Which was, honestly, the only thing that stopped me from strangling Roger until he gasped his last breath.

Matt was still watching me, looking very distressed at my prolonged silence, but he kept his mouth shut. I lowered my finger to look him in the eye. He flinched, but stood his ground. For some reason I'd expected him to dive into the room the second I moved. "Idiot," I stated. He mentally recoiled from the word, but bowed his head and took it. I grabbed his chin and lifted his face. "Don't look like an abandoned puppy! You're such a fucking pessimist!" I huffed as his face reddened. "I'm not mad, and I didn't hate the visit." I muttered.

"R-r-really?" He stuttered.

"... Well, maybe I'm a little mad. But not at you, okay?"

"My-"

"At Roger." I concluded before he could even assume I would have anything against his mother. "Because you're right, he's really untrusting. Not like I didn't see it coming from _Roger_, the bastard." I rolled my eyes. "So quit with the lost-puppy act and grow a spine, will ya?" I spat.

He grinned. "'Kay, Melly~!" He chirped up.

"Why you--!" I growled, clenching my fist while my brain warned not to hit.

"See ya in the morning," He leaned over, standing a bit taller to kiss my nose before quickly vanishing into his room, the lock's _click_ warning it was futile to try to get in. I felt my face heat up as I violently rubbed my nose with my sleeve and slunk off, feeling defeated, to my room to get some sleep. Hopefully.

* * *

I woke up, dazed and unrested, to fall out of my bed and manage to get dressed without getting off the floor. I didn't quite have the sense to knock on the wall or yell for Matt as I tried to steady myself on my own feet. Once it seemed I was something close to a condition suitable for walking I left my room. It then occurred to me to wake up Matt. So I paused for a yawn, readying my fist to hit his door.

"Morning~!"

I halted, blinking some sleep from my eyes before sluggishly making my way towards the voice. "Morn... ing?" My eyes widened and Matt laughed at my expression.

"Got some food, so I decided to have breakfast here instead. Is that okay with you?" He smiled from the stove.

"... You can... I mean, you know how to... I didn't think you could...."

"Cook?" He prompted. "Just because I chose not to doesn't mean I can't."

"What are you making?"

"Simple stuff." He assured. "I never eat breakfast with you, so I don't know what you like. Omelettes, hash browns... do you prefer ham or bacon?" Watching the red-headed, goggle-wearing, stripe clad boy cooking might have been funny, had I not been so awe-stricken.

"Oh... um... whatever's fine." I murmured back.

"Bacon, then?"

"Sure...."

"Say, Mello? Are you okay? You sound out of it."

"I didn't sleep well," I muttered, ruffling my own hair, an action that took me by surprise. Matt gave me a concerned look. "I had nightmares about freezing to death in a half frozen pond-lake," I teased.

He smiled a little, but not quite enough for my taste. "I'm sorry," He mused, and I knew he meant about what he'd done the previous night.

"Shut up. You apologize too often, Welpe*." I waved a hand dismissively. He blinked at me, taken by surprise. I ignored him, knowing he wouldn't have the guts to actually ask me what I had called him. And of course he proved me right by going back to his cooking. I listened to the sound of bacon sizzling and snapping. It didn't take long before Matt set a plate of food in front of me, snapping me out of a half-asleep daze I couldn't recall entering.

"What do you want to drink?" He asked, turning to the fridge.

"Huh? Oh, no, I'll-," I tried.

He motioned for me to stay. "It's fine, I'm already up," he assured.

"... You know, I'm really _not_ mad at you."

"Hm?"

"It just seems an awful lot like you're trying to be really nice to me." I gave him a weary look.

"You're imagining things," he promised. "How about _chocolate_ milk?"

"What a poor distraction," I muttered. "Stop trying to pamper me. It's creeping me out."

He sighed. "Honestly, Mello, I'm really _not_. Is it so hard to believe I'm like this 'cause I want to be? We have food, so I thought I'd cook. I'm standing, so I thought I'd get you a drink. If you're just gonna be critical, then fine. I won't do it again."

There was something in Matt's voice I'd never heard there before. A certain air of perverseness? A hint of anger, even? I guess it had never occurred to me that Matt had it in him. Which was terribly rude of me, and I felt like if Linda gave me a slap, I might not hold it against her. Because in thinking that Matt would never repent, I was doing just what she told me not to, and just what I said I wouldn't. I was treating Matt like a tool. Using him like he had no feelings at all. He was already returning to the table with a cup of orange juice, presumably for himself. "Drink....," I murmured.

"What?" There was still a sour note to his tone.

"Get me a drink," I ordered. He gave me a dirty look, and I swallowed my pride, if only for a second. "Please?"

His face was quickly overthrown with shock, and for a second I regretted saying that word. I was sure I'd never live it down. He'd hold it over my head until the day I died - provided we actually kept in contact to that point. But when a smile took over his expression, it wasn't the one I had expected. It wasn't a smirk or snicker or anything of that nature. It was just a smile. And with the smile he happily turned on heel to get me a drink and return to the table, setting it in front of me.

"Ya know, Matt...?" I pawed at my omelette with the fork, hesitant to try it. How good a cook could he be? He lived off ramen, for Christ's sake! He was already eating, though, and he spared a glance up at me. "Because of this we'll leave for class together." Confusion clouded his eyes. "You have no excuse to skip," I warned icily.

He almost choked on his mouthful of food in his haste to swallow it quickly before he burst into laughter. "Mello, you're always worried about those sorts of things! It's no wonder people never talk to you. You're such a stiff!" He laughed.

I frowned, blushing, and shoved a large portion of my omelette into my mouth, chewing and swallowing it quickly. "Well _sor_-ry!" I huffed back. "But you _have_ to deal with me. Unless you wanna go whining to Roger about wanting me gone, ya pansy," I bit.

He smiled. "Never. Things were boring before Mello moved in," he assured, only turning my face a deeper shade of red. "After Kousuke... and before Mello, I was alone here....," he murmured, his expression softening. He rested his chin in his hand, elbow on the table. "You know... even someone like me can get lonely."

I flinched, quickly shoveling food in my mouth. Because I knew I wouldn't have anything smart to say to that. Only something either crude or much too corny.

"Mello's probably the same way," he continued. I wasn't even sure he was really talking _to_me anymore. "You seem like the kind of person who spends most of their time on their own. But once in a while... it gets kind of dep--"

"Never," I cut him off. "I like being alone. And not once has being alone ever left me with any negative feelings at all, ever," I assured.

"Oh?" He scuffed his feet across the ground a few times before snatching up his empty dishes. "I guess it's just me, then," he concluded, dropping the dishes in the sink. "Just leave the dishes there for now, 'kay? I'll wash them when I come up during lunch break." He waved a hand dismissively at he exited the kitchen.

"Smoke break, you mean," I muttered after him, dropping my dishes in the sink and heading off to search for my shoes. "You're gonna die young, you know that?"

"Eh," he shrugged. "Better to do what I like and die young then withhold myself and live longer," he decided.

I didn't agree, but I couldn't disagree. So I left it at that as I fetched my shoes and Matt laced up his combats.

* * *

*Welpe="Puppy" or "pup" in German


	12. Paper

So, Yoji's back. 'Cause I wanted him. I suppose I'll just nestle him into the plot I have unfolding in chapters that are not yet posted. Now you're curious?

Feb. 11th was my birthday, so I was at my friend's on Saturday, otherwise I would have updated sooner. We went to an Asian restaurant and somehow Mumzy(her mom) told them it was my birthday without us noticing, so they came out with a gong and ice cream cake.... Aside from that, Miyu(=my friend) was totally jealous 'cause I got the hot waiter, and there was a group of people at a table near us and at least one of them was definitely gay :3

I'm allowed to say all this 'cause Miyu's not a fan of yaoi/shounen-ai, so she'll never read this.

..... Um, Death Note isn't mine. (Hasn't said that in a while...)

Xs and Os

kyo

* * *

Linda shoved a piece of paper in my face. It was much too close to my face to make out words or really, anything coherent. All I could tell was that it was colourful. Which was quite enough to give me a bad premonition. "Did ya know about it?" Linda's triumphant voice rang out from somewhere behind the paper, which was sufficiently consuming my vision.

"That there are blurbs of colour headed our way?" I inquired.

"No, nit wit!" She snapped. "Jeez, what a worthless guy you are. You ought to pay more attention to your surroundings." I reached for my plate of turkey, but Linda slapped my hand, as I knew she would. "Look at I,." She demanded, handing me the paper. I let my eyes skim over it.

"Um... okay?"

"What's with that bland reaction?!"

"What what?! It's the winter dance they hold every year no matter what. What's there to be excited about? Can I eat?"

"Not until I get my answers. Are you gonna go?"

"I never do." I rolled my eyes. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"What about Matty? Is he coming?"

"Like hell I know!" I snapped.

"Defensive, aren't we?"

"I'm tired and would like to eat," I answered.

"Turkey makes you sleepy, you know," she tsked, waving her hand. "Whatever, eat," she decided, sitting down across from me. I ignored her to attack the plate of turkey. "But speaking of which, where _did_ you and Matty run off to yesterday? Sneaking off without telling, how scandalous." She grinned at me. I took the opportunity.

"We were with Roger."

Her expression contorted into a grimace. "Oh, gross. Way to kill the image."

"Whatever you imagined was long past life," I assured.

"What a letdown. Erity will be so disappointed, you know." She sighed. I gave her a look, unable to speak with a mouth full of food. "Erity's like, the biggest fujoshi* on the face of the planet. Ever since she found out you and Matty are rooming together she's been on Cloud 9, fantasizing. I don't know if I have the heart to break it to her that you and him weren't on a romantic getaway yesterday." She snickered. I felt my face get hot and I stared down into my food. I knew she was going to notice anyway, but I couldn't look her in the eye. "But you _weren't_, right?"

I could have mentioned that Elsewhere was, indeed, a fairly 'romantic' place to be. Given the timing and of course, people. Matt and I were definitely not those people, though, I assured myself. And of course I didn't mention Elsewhere to Linda. Because a) it was sacred and b) why the fuck would I ever do that ever? "No, of course not! That's completely disgusting, Linda!" I snapped, although the words hung in the air and I breathed them back in until the air in my lungs was fouled with them, stinging my insides. I wondered, briefly, if smoking could be worse than the inner rotting my own words caused. And that I never should have said those words. Those uneraseable words that could hang over me for so long.

Linda gave me a wide-eyed look. "Yeesh, Mel." She rolled her eyes. "Touchier than usual, are we?"

"Yeah~ Mel, way to be a d-bag~!" Sang a new voice as he rested his arms around my neck and chin on my head.

"Y-you?!" I bit.

"Yoji, please." The Japanese boy released me to give a deep, eloquent bow. He adjusted his glasses with an easy smile. "Sorry, but I couldn't help but eavesdrop... or 'overhear,' I mean."

"Bastard!" I barked. He casually sat himself next to me.

"Um... hey?" Linda waved.

"Oh, terribly sorry." He turned his black eyes to her. "I'm Yoji." He offered his hand. "A childhood friend of Mai... of Matt's."

"Oh? From childhood?" Linda's eyes got round as saucers. "Really? I didn't think anyone in Wammy's had 'childhood' friends. Were you from the same orphanage?"

I shot a sharp look at the boy, but he wasn't looking. He was still calmly smiling towards Linda. "Something like that, yeah," he decided.

"That's pretty cool." She gave me an icy smile. "I always though Mel was the closest person to Matty, but _I guess I was wrong_." I shot her a look back, but Yoji broke out laughing.

"I wonder if I am that close to Matt. He usually only comes to me for favours or to vent. But I guess that means we're still close, right? Since he still trusts me with secrets."

"Secrets? Ohmigawd, tell?" Linda practically jumped out of her seat.

"Tsk, tsk! Then they wouldn't be secrets anymore!" Yoji tutted, putting a finger to his lips.

"They lost the status of 'secrets' the second he told you," I muttered. Both of them turned to me. "Secrets... secrets are in your head. The second they're said they belong to the wind and it'll take them everywhere. If you write them, they are the pen's, the paper's. It's only a secret if it's restricted to one person," I murmured.

Yoji chuckled. "Deep," he decided. "I wonder how many secrets Mel must have. I hope they don't weigh you down too much. Your shoulders will sag. It'll be bad for your posture. I wonder if they'll ever let you sleep?" His smile had a bitter edge.

Images of a dark eyed man with slouched shoulders danced through my mind. "Wh-what...?" I murmured. "Just who the fuck are you?"

He chuckled lightly. "Just another Wammy's kid, you know. Y, the second to last letter." His eyes focused somewhere behind me. "Oh, Matt!" He chirped up, waving.

"Y-Yoji? What are you doing here?" Matt blinked.

"Chillin'. I took care of what I had to for the time, so I thought I'd come to the cafeteria for once. Then I happened upon your girlfriend." He grinned, giving me a hearty pat on the back.

"W-would you-?!" I snapped.

"Yeah, ease up on Mel. He's a homophobe, after all," Linda tsked.

"I-I'm not! Don't say it like I'm a terrible person!"

"You so are. Both." She shook her head. "Matty, are you gonna go to the winter dance? You should."

"O-oh... I wasn't planning on it, no. After all, I hate the feeling of walking into that sort of thing alone," he chuckled.

"Yoji will take you," Linda decided.

"Of course I would!" Yoji shamelessly grabbed Matt's hand. Matt casually laughed at the interaction and made no sign of pulling his hand away.

"I know you would," Matt assured.

"It's only common sense that lovers should go to a dance together once in a while." Yoji kissed the back of Matt's hand, just making Matt laugh more.

"Common sense, obviously," he agreed. "Alas," he continued.

"Yes, yes, as usual. I'm busy as hell." Yoji dropped Matt's hand and I unclenched the fist I had unconsciously made under the table. "But you know I would if I could," he added once more.

Linda, who must have had the common sense to know that they were playing around - because she hadn't turned into a squeeing fangirl - took over again. "You could come with me and a few friends," she offered.

"A few friends and I," Matt instinctively corrected her grammar. "A-and it's fine. I'm sure you have a date, Linda. Don't worry about me." He held up a hand. She flushed.

"I don't!" She protested. "Neither does Erity, though a bunch of people* asked her, she said no. Toya and Jeret don't either."

"What a geeky group. None of you have a date?" I scoffed.

"Oh, like you're one to talk! And are you calling Matt a geek, too?" She bit back.

"Uh, duh," I jerked a thumb to Matt. "He's very obviously a geek."

"How mean!" Linda huffed.

"Oh, like he doesn't already know." I rolled my eyes.

Matt held up a hand. "I'm a geek," he assured.

"You two are too boring. I hope you know I'll still be waiting to be pleasantly surprised by your last minute arrival." She grinned.

"Oh, you cheater." Yoji smiled at his friend. "But, I suppose it's fine. While the husband's out on his business trip, his wife needs some 'company.'" He assured, waving a hand dismissively.

"Hey! Don't make me the wife all on your own!" Matt snapped, giving his friend a smack in the back of the head.

Yoji laughed loudly. "Ah, well, my time is up." He shifted to his feet. "Have fun, my love."

Matt smiled. "Yeah. Work hard," he bid as Yoji quickly paced off. Matt took the seat his friend had abandoned.

"What does he do all the time?" Linda asked.

"Hm?" Matt leaned into the table. "Whatever he has to." He smiled one of those smiles that didn't touch his eyes.

"O-oh?" Linda murmured. She didn't have the heart to question further, and I didn't blame her. "Well, anyway," she concluded, slipping the colourful paper in front of Matt. "I hope to be surprised." She smiled.

"D-don't... hope _too_ much," Matt answered, taking the paper into his hands. She shrugged and skipped off. I continued eating, only glancing up when I heard the paper tear. I looked back down, wondering briefly if Matt hated the idea _that_ much. By the time lunch break was over, Matt was toying with a colourful origami crane.*

* * *

* A fujoshi is a fan of BL, Shounen-ai, yoai, etc. It's literal translation is "rotten girl." Isn't that mean? I think it's totally mean 3

*6 boys and 1 girl, too be exact :3

*And the flier was on rectangular paper. The tear was Matt making it a square so he could make it into a crane. I bet you thought I was gonna put a footnote for what "origami" is, huh?


	13. Black

Sorry about how sporadic my chapter lengths are. Don't really think about length when I type it. I just type until I feel like it's good to start a new chapter. I have a few stories that have, like, 20-word chapters. Slender Threads hasn't had that quite yet, though. But I make no promises x3

Okay, so someone asked this, and since I'm too lazy to reply directly, I'll tack it on here.

So, to everyone - but mostly APlaceForUs: Yes, I do have a dA. Don't expect much, since I don't have a scanner right now, but it's .com/. Right now it's mostly me and my desktop, since I change it so freakin' much. It's pretty pathetic. So, sorry.

Lots o' love,

kyo

* * *

I woke up to a little black crane.

It was early, considering there were no classes. But I'd set my alarm early so I could catch up on the studying I'd missed when I visited Matt's house. I stared at the origami crane, wondering why it played at a memory I couldn't quite draw out of the waters of drowsiness. It took me a few minutes before I remembered a few days prior, during lunch, Matt toying with a colourful crane that had been an invite.

I carefully plucked the paper bird off my night stand to carry it out with me, into the living room. "Matt?" I called into the quiet house. The TV was off, which made me question whether or not he was even awake. But as soon as I caught a glance at the living room, I gasped. "Wh-what the _hell_, Matt?" I covered my mouth, cradling the little black crane against my chest.

"Hm?" He glanced up at me from his seat on the couch. He was literally almost buried in paper cranes. All different colours spilled off the couch and across the floor so I could hardly even enter the room, and there was no way I'd make it to Matt. My eyes scanned the birds until I was pretty sure the one in my hands was the only black one.

"What on Earth is all this...?"

"I woke up early... and suddenly wanted to," he answered, his hidden eyes watching his fingers crease a sheet of pink paper. "Mello, did you know? It's a Japanese legend that if you make one thousand paper cranes your deepest wish will come true." He smiled a little.

"A... thousand?" I murmured.

"Hm. I'm only on 679, though."

"S-six?! When did you wake up?!"

He mussed his hair. "I dunno. One o'clock, I guess."

"You've been doing this for 5 hours?" He didn't answer. Instead he started on crane number 680. "This one?" I asked, holding up the black crane. He glanced up.

"It's counted," he answered. I stared at him. "It was the first one. I only had one sheet of black origami paper. I thought... it reminded me of Mello, so...." He ducked his head, watching his fingers make a green bird. "S-sorry for going into your room without permission."

"Jeez, you...." I muttered, trying to clear a path towards the couch. "What the hell could you be wishing for?" I sighed. He flushed a familiar shade of red. I finally made it to the couch. "Can I sit?" I asked, eyeing the mountain of birds cautiously.

"O-oh!" His hands fluttered nervously before he swept his arm across the couch, pushing the fragile paper to the ground. I carefully curled myself up in the spot he'd cleared away, pulling my feet up so I wouldn't step on any of the cranes. I looked down at the birds, holding my little black one closer. Matt handed me an orange square.

"N-no. It wouldn't count. It's your wish." I shook my head.

"... You don't know how?" he assumed. I gritted my teeth, looking away. "Want me to show you?"

"No," I bit. "When is that sort of stupid thing gonna come in handy? This isn't impressive, you know. All this is just a waste of time. When you can remember exactly which one they are, then I'll be impressed. So what number is this?" I scooped a green crane off the floor and held it in his face. There were tons more just like it.

Instead of looking at the crane, he watched me for a long time. I felt my brows pull together. His eyes flashed to the green bird then. "Number 76. I mis-folded it by .3 centimeters," he answered. I blinked. He smiled a little. "But I'll only be able to remember all of them by the mistakes that I made. It's a little sad, I think," he added. "I'll never look at a single one of them and think 'this one is perfect, so it must be number something.' Every one of them is messed up in some way." I hid the black bird in my chest, the folds of my black shirt trying to cover it. "Black, though," he continued, "is a colour that's very good at hiding its faults. It's hard to see where you messed up because the black blotches it out. As long as you don't mess up too badly, black is the closest you'll get to looking perfect." There was a pause, and Matt continued folding the paper. "Besides, I didn't do it to be impressive. I did it for a desire."

"You really think if you make a thousand of these your wish will come true?" I mumbled.

"It'd be nice if it were true," he answered.

"Don't you think the obvious answer would be to make what you want a reality on your own?" I huffed.

"That's easy for people like you, Mello. You're outgoing and know how to take what you want and to swallow fear. But I'm not like that. I lose my voice when I need it most and recoil from difficult tasks. It's different for us."

"Then let me help!" I pouted. "Just tell me what you want."

"In my own way, I already have." He smiled.

"Well then, be more straight-forward!" I bit.

He laughed. "See, that's why we're different. Mello's like the colour black. Simple, forward; with no hidden agenda or underlying uncertainties. Everything's coherent," he murmured, starting a new crane.

"Then what does that make you?" I tsked. There was a pause as Matt skillfully folded the crane, then held it up to me.

"I'm like the colour white," he answered, I stared at the white bird. The polar opposite of black. I knew Matt and I were different, but I never knew he thought we were quite that different. "White's easy to see through and full of shadows. The way it looks changes with the lighting, and its mistakes are easy to see because it's so light that shadows will darken all the faults."

"Is that how you see yourself?" I murmured, watching him throw the bird like a plane. It glided a little, but quickly landed with the others.

"You disagree?" He asked, starting a red one.

"Yeah. I mean, if you really think that you have all those qualities, fine. But I think you'd be a different colour with the same qualities, at the very least." I shrugged.

"Oh?" He chuckled.

"Like yellow. Something full of will."

He looked up. "Well, I wasn't analyzing it through colour meaning. Then yellow would be anticipation, white would be pure and black would be... would be death, after all. I wasn't really thinking of that sort of meaning. Really, I was just doing a paper vs. human analysis."

"Yellow," I repeated.

"Ah...." he sighed.

"... So what is your wish?"

"I won't say it," he promised.

"Asshole," I answered, carefully walking around all the birds. "I'm going to study," I added, making my way back to my room.

"Yeah. I'll be here. Want me to make breakfast?" He mused. I glanced back at him. "I'll bring it in to you," he added, but he wasn't looking at me.

"Yeah, okay," I answered.

* * *

I have about 130 paper cranes and I think they'd sufficiently cover a loveseat, so.... And yes, I was gonna try for 1,000 cranes, but I ran out of origami paper and never got any more.


	14. Crane

Listening to this dub: youtube .com/watch?v=vj9NKB27kNE

'Tis amahzing.

Sorry for the lateness. I'm still alive. Full of love.

xoxo

kyo

* * *

I stared at the math in front of me, illuminated by my small lamp. It was getting dark outside. I felt like I should have been hungry, but Matt had been serving me - something I was very unaccustomed to. I'd heard him walking around, locking himself up in his room, even. But I heard him leave a while ago to go back to the living room. I imagined he must have returned to his thousand crane wish. I briefly wondered where he'd even heard the legend, before deciding it must have been Yoji.

... But what could Matt have wanted so badly? Something he wouldn't even tell me about? Had he told Yoji? I was willing to bet he had. It wasn't fair. I should have been closer to him. If we hadn't been polar opposites, would he have told me?

He said he had told me. Just not directly. 'In his own way' he'd told me. He probably knew me well enough to know I couldn't just guess by behaviour or something like that. I mean, he should know me well enough to know that, at least. Then what the heck did he mean?

"Ugh. This is so stupid. I'm supposed to be studying, but because of dumbass Matt and his dumbass mind games, I can't concentrate on anything!" I pouted out loud. _Anything but Matt_, I added, not out loud. "Stupid Matt, keeping secrets from me."

_It's not a secret. Yoji probably knows._

I shook away the thought, picking up the black crane that had been dutifully watching me study. "I bet he told you, huh? Is that what he meant when he said he told me in his own way? What, are you my replacement?" I stared at it like it would whisper back to me. Of course, it didn't. I fiddled with the bird in my hand, watching the folds of the paper carefully.

_The second they're said they belong to the wind and it'll take them everywhere._

It all started that day, huh? With a colourful crane that was once an invite.

_If you write them, they are the pen's, the paper's._

I carefully unfolded the bird, staring at the blank, undisturbed black. Then flipped it over for good measure, feeling like an idiot.

_I'd like to go to the winter dance with Mel._

I stared at the tiny white handwriting. It was messier than mine, but it wasn't illegible - although I think it was written in white china marker. There were about 100 things bouncing through my head at once. _He means as friends,_ one assured. _But usually people don't have trouble just asking a friend to go to a dance as friends!_ another yelled. _It's a joke. Matt doesn't joke. Matt always jokes! He wouldn't joke about that! He just means friends. He doesn't think of you as anything more than a friend. Why would you even think he's thinking something else? Are you thinking something else? How do you like Matt? Idiot, don't travel down that train of thought. You're the straight-forward one._

My face must have gone from peach to pink to green back to pink to red to redder to purple to green. I felt like every colour but the black Matt had compared me to.

_So just confront him._

I took the paper and bolted for my door, throwing it open. A few cranes lay on the floor in front of my door, looking like they'd been thrown from the couch at my door. I almost stepped on them, but quickly hopped over the small pile. "Ma--!" I started.

"Mello, look!" He chirped and threw a yellow crane at me. "It's the thousandth one." He grinned. I clumsily caught the bird, only to drop it anyway.

"M-Matt?" I murmured, almost as quiet as a whisper. He blinked. I shook my head then held up the creased paper. "Wh-what the fuck, Matt?! This is your own way, you bastard?! If it were anyone but me it would have taken ages to find this!" His face flushed beat red. "You _do_ know the dance is tomorrow anyway, right? What if I found this, like, three years from now, you dip shit? Do you know how confusing that would have been? Fuck that, how confusing it already is!"

He recoiled into the couch. "S-s-s-sorry," he whimpered. "I didn't think you'd ever... a-and...." He sniffled.

"Grah! D-don't start crying!" I spazzed. He buried his face in hands. "J-just... explain it to me, okay?"

He shook his head, curling up into himself.

"Matt!" I huffed, carefully walking around the 999 paper birds. "Just tell me what you mean."

"Wh-what...?" He sobbed, peeking up at me.

"Did you want to go... just to the dance? With friends... as friends?" I rubbed my neck.

"Uwgh...." I flinched away from the weird sound as Matt awkwardly tugged his goggles off to rub at his eyes. "J-jerk!" He snapped at me. "Why would... would I be afraid of ever asking that?" he cried. "That's stupid! Y-you...."

"So... when you say go the dance... you really mean...?"

"I-I won't say it, you asshole!" He snapped.

"Yeah, yeah. Take a pill." I waved a hand. "But... um...."

"D-don't." He covered his ears. "I know what you're gonna say!"

I pried his hands from his ears. He struggled against me. "Matt, just let me think, okay?" He halted, staring up at me with big, green eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"Th-think?" he repeated.

"And... I'll tell you tomorrow," I murmured. "Okay?"

"B-but...." He lowered his head.

"Welpe, lift your head!" I bit. "Don't be a pessimist! Don't assume you'll get a certain answer," I huffed.

"Y-yeah?" He murmured, shaking like a leaf. I dropped his wrists.

"Get some sleep, alright?"

"Yeah," he answered. I made my way back towards my room. "Ani Ohevet Otcha*, Mello," he murmured. I didn't know what the words meant or in what language they were, but they felt somewhat comforting, anyway.

"Good night," I added before hiding in my room to spend a mostly-restless night battling with myself.

* * *

*'Tis "I love you" in Hebrew. I hope.

It's because of Razuri-chan from dA that I decided Matt was of Jewish origin, by the way....


	15. Think

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

I TOLD YOU I DID SOMETHING :'D

3

kyo

* * *

The next morning was something akin to dreadful. I didn't feel rested or rejuvenated or like I had gained anything, really. Especially an answer. I spent a good portion of my time staring at the black paper on my desk. It was supposed to be the wish, right? 1,000 paper cranes, just to get me to a dance? What would he do with them all?

I took the paper, staring at the words. White on black, the request begged me: _answer, answer, answer_! I tried to follow it's bends to fold it back into the small paper bird it had once been. But, like Matt said, I knew nothing about the art of origami and so wound up giving up quite quickly. How was I supposed to answer? There had to be an answer. Don't they say something like 'the right answer is the easiest to find because you don't need to think about it?' That was too damn hard! How could I _not_ think about it? How do I stop myself from thinking about it?

There were no classes (for some reason like 'people won't concentrate') so I had the whole day to ponder this new development. I got up and got dressed in my usual dark attire, tucking the black paper in my pocket before stepping out of my room.

It was early, but Matt was already on the couch, watching TV - although he hadn't bothered to get dressed. I examined the cartoon he was watching, briefly wondering how I could take the confession of a teenage who still woke up early to watch children's cartoons seriously. He turned to me, catching me off guard, before his hand went to the cigarette between his lips.

"Sorry...," he murmured. He didn't sound like he's gotten very much sleep.

I held up a hand. "Don't worry about it. I'm going out for a while."

Even through his goggles I could see the distressed look on his face. "Mel-"

"Don't look at me like that." I smiled. "It's not like I'm leaving because I'm uncomfortable being around you or some BS like that." I could see he doubted my words, probably all the more because I actually said them. "I have stuff to do."

"Stuff?"

"Stuff." Okay, so all the stuff I had to do had to do with Matt. But I didn't tell him this.

"Okay...," he agreed. "I'll... um, see you? Later?"

"Yeah. I'll be back in a while," I assured. "Don't forget to eat. Don't you dare die before I get back."

He smiled - albeit weakly - and nodded. "I won't. You're going to the cafeteria?"

"Yeah, I guess." I smiled, although it felt like a forced counter action to the sad smile Matt had given me. I didn't like the feeling, so I wiped it away, before I realized that it might of looked strange to so suddenly stop smiling, so I tried to bring it back. After deciding I must have looked like a complete fool, I gave up and left. The feeling of walking out the door left a sour taste in my mouth. When had I accustomed myself to feeling like I was chasing after Matt? To the point that I actually felt weird to walk away from him at all. It was pretty pathetic on my part.

So I went to the cafeteria and got halfway through my meal before Linda showed up to question me on every little thing. Were we going to the dance, where was Matt, what was I doing, was Matt going to the dance, was I okay, I looked distracted, tell her if I found out if we were going to the dance, stop being such a stiff and just go. As soon as I saw an opening, I took it and escaped to the library. Even if someone wanted to talk to me, they couldn't. Our librarians were very strict about the noise level in the library at all times. So take that, I thought at anyone who might have anything to say to me.

I lasted what felt like an hour in the library before my mind concluded that I really wasn't getting anywhere with the whole thinking thing. I wasn't supposed to be thinking, I reprimanded myself. I was supposed to be letting the answer come to me. How do you even start to let the answer come to you? How can you tell when the answer is there? How do you not mistake it for a rushed wrong answer you forced out subconsciously?

The overbearing silence wasn't helping, either. It didn't make it the least bit easier to smother my thoughts. In fact, they only grew louder and louder. I was about ready to start pulling out my hair when Yoji stopped among the bookshelves to smile at me. I grimaced back, although somewhere deep down I was relieved with the distraction.

_Thinking?_ He mouthed.

_No,_ I answered, wishing it was true. _Why?_

_You looked lost._ He answered the same easy look on his face. _Just checking._

I nodded a little. He gave my hair a ruffle before walking off again to disappear into the books, carrying a pile with him that started with the mechanics of cars and ended with what looked like an Italian cookbook, but it was all written in Italian or Spanish or something, so I couldn't really tell.

It didn't take long after he left for my mind to grow weary again. I silently hoped Yoji might pass by again, handing me one of his easy smiles that kind of pissed me off and made me think _why can't I be like that?_ He didn't pass by again, though. I watched the door, now praying for a distraction. I don't know how long I stayed, but it must have been hours. A few kids I didn't know entered and exited. I never saw Yoji leave, but I know he didn't pass me again. I stayed until the librarians declared it was time for their lunch break - and ours, too. Two kids and I left then - neither of which was Yoji. They both gave me strange looks, like I didn't belong there. Which I didn't. I belonged in my room, cramming words, pictures and knowledge down my own throat so I could beat Near. I didn't belong running around the school, wasting my precious time, trying to think about not thinking. Matt was changing too much of me much too much. How was I going to revert back after this? Would I be able to? Would I be completely different, or would I just adapt to the same things in a different way? And for fuck's sake, what the hell was my answer? I had tons of new questions and absolutely no new answers.

I went back to the cafeteria for lunch. I saw Linda again, but she only waved. Chubs stopped for only a minute to ask if I'd seen Linda - she actually wound up ditching and hanging out on the roof, I found out later. Erity was the one who sat down across from me. I prepared myself to have my meal disturbed as it always was. But after a few moments, she was still sitting quietly across from me, rubbing her eyes sleepily and glancing around like she was looking for something. I finished all of my food before she said anything.

"Matt?" I could hardly hear her quiet voice over the noise of the cafeteria.

"Not here," I answered curtly.

"Yeah...?" she murmured. "Are you fighting?"

"No," I huffed. "What makes you say that?"

"You," she answered. "Are you fighting?" she asked again, as if I hadn't answered.

"No," I repeated. "Not really," I revised.

"You're just avoiding each other?"

"What? It's not like we're always together. He usually doesn't eat here. We aren't avoiding each other," I mumbled back.

"You're just avoiding each other?" she asked again, once more like she hadn't heard me at all.

"Not really," I mumbled again. "It just worked that way."

She smiled a little. "That boy did something daring, huh?"

"What...?" I muttered.

"Are you going to keep him waiting? Matt's nature is that which gets lonely quickly." She laughed lightly.

"... You know, there's someone I think you'd get along well with...," I decided, thinking of an easy smile and witty words.

"There's someone I know you get along well with. And right now, he needs you, don't you think?" she answered. I rubbed my neck, trying to think of a way to get advice from Erity without really saying everything.

"Right now... I don't know what to say to Matt. Even if he needs me, I don't know what to give him." That seemed like a good start.

"Isn't the right answer the easiest to find?"

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "Saying it is easier than doing it."

She laughed again. "Well, you should just face it, right Mel? You're a confrontational person by nature. If you talk to Matt, I'm sure you'll reach your answer. There's only one right way, right? It's 50/50, shoot or miss. Trust your instincts and whatnot. Go for it, Mel, and see what happens."

"I guess I should," I sighed.

"As it is, I have to find Linda and apologize. My gaming habits finally tripped her and she's quite upset with me." She laughed, standing up. "Good luck, Mel."

"You too," I bid, a bit sarcastically but not harshly.

It felt like it took longer than usual to get to our room. I felt the weirdest urge to knock on the door before remembering it was my fucking room too and I didn't need permission to walk in. Matt wasn't on the couch, and it was ridiculous that I expected him to be in the same spot as when I'd left.

"Matt?" I called, tugging off my shoes. "Did you eat?"

"Yeah." His small voice came from his room. I carefully walked up to the door to softly rap my knuckles against the wood.

"Hey? You gonna come out?"

"No," he answered in something like a whisper.

"You're such a child." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah," he repeated. I leaned my back against his door, sliding down to the floor and turning my head to press my ear to the wood. There were no sounds from inside. No tacking keyboard, no nervous footsteps, no muffled sounds of him rolling over in his bed. I could picture his room - the way I'd last seen it, with his one computer on the floor at the end of his bed - but I couldn't quite picture Matt and where he might be in that painfully ghostly room. So what would I give to see Matt? A dance? An hour, day, week, month, year? A life? What was I willing to give in that exact second to see Matt laugh or cry or mutter or smile? What could I give?

"Are we ever gonna talk?" I practically chocked on the words as they stuck like Velcro against my throat.

"You want to?"

"Well... yeah," I muttered. "Duh."

The door slowly opened, and I almost fell back with it. I looked up to meet goggled eyes, as usual, and he stared back, a bit startled. "Okay... so... talk," he murmured.

I stood up, brushing myself off. "Yeah... okay..." I swallowed hard. _Talk,_ I dared myself. _Talk_. He stared at me with a blank expression, and I could tell he must have practiced for it or something, because the Matt I knew wasn't nearly that good at hiding his feelings. It was like a completely different Matt from the one who had taken me to Elsewhere. Some robot who wouldn't get anything I told him because the heart wasn't there. So I had to get Matt back before I proceeded. "You ate?" I asked again. He gave me a funny look, moving to close his door again and lock me out. I shoved my foot in the way.

"Y-yes. I did," he answered (again).

"Good...," I answered lamely. "A-about this... dance thing."

He looked down, avoiding my eyes. Go with the flow, I told myself. Do what the moment says. Follow your intuition.

"It's formal, right? Do you even have a suit?" I murmured.

"I... I probably... what?" He looked back up at me, his brows pulling together. "What?" he repeated for good measure.

"I'm asking if you own a fucking suit," I bit.

"Um... yeah, I... I do..." He tugged at his shirt.

"Then I guess it's like... whatever, right?" I looked to the side.

"Like... whatever?"

"I mean, not _whatever_. I mean, it's still, like, important. It's not 'whatever.' It's just like... kinda like..."

"Like 'yes?'"

I shrugged.

"Like 'yes, Matt, I'll go to the dance with you?'"

"If you haven't changed your mind." I bit my lip a bit.

He laughed. Like, seriously, laughed. At me. I think. Maybe at himself, a little. But mostly at me. Like something seriously fucking funny had happened. Matt was easy to make laugh, though. So I wondered if that wasn't just it. In any case, he kept laughing. I told him to stop a dozen times, but he just went on like I told the best joke ever. I threatened to leave, and that I wouldn't go to the dance if he kept it up. He just wrapped his arms around me so I couldn't walk away as he continued to laugh. I kinda just had to let it go and allow him to get it out of his system.

Afterwards he told me he'd been laughing out of joy. Out of sheer happiness. I don't really buy it. I still think he was just laughing at me - at least a bit. At my indecisive behavior or something.


	16. Dance

Guess who's alive?

I'M ALIVE!

;D

- kyo

* * *

"It doesn't really suit you," I chuckled. "But at the same time, it kinda does," I added.

He adjusted his grey vest. "It feels different, that's for sure," he decided, fixing the collar of his pinstripe shirt one last time. "You look totally different in a suit, Mello." He smiled at me. "But you kinda look like you're going to a funeral," he admitted.

I was dressed entirely in black, so I couldn't argue or anything. My hair was tied back, too, which felt a little weird but kinda nice. I made a note to myself to try it more often. Matt was still wearing his goggles, which looked awkward but only meant no one else would get to see his eyes for a while and I kinda just came to terms with it. On top of that, he was wearing Converse, which would have looked strange had it not looked so Matt.

"Really going to go through with this?" he asked for about the sixteenth time. "Now's the time to-"

"I'm not changing my mind, alright? Are you second-guessing now? This was your idea, wasn't it?"

"I'm not changing my mind, either." He pouted. "I was just saying..."

"You've been saying it. I've heard it enough. If I change my mind, I'll just leave, okay?" I rolled my eyes. He nodded.

"So we're..."

"Shut up," I mumbled, straightening his un-straighten-able vest for him. "Yes, we are going. Now, okay?"

"O-okay..." He agreed. But before we could get to the door, someone was already knocking. Linda, if I really had to guess.

"Wanna show up late just to make her sweat it?" I smirked. He laughed, but it sounded nervous and uneven. "I'm kidding," I added. "We're going on time, okay?" He managed a nod before I went to the door which was by then being pounded upon. "What?" I barked, throwing the door open.

"You look like you're going to a funeral," were the first words out of Linda's mouth.

"You look like you're going trick-or-treating," I answered.

"Fuck off." She smiled sweetly, walking in without being invited. Erity waved politely, and I gestured for her to come in. She obeyed, carefully walking into the room. "Matty~ You look so cute~!" Linda sang, straightening his vest that I was about ready to just leave unbuttoned for everyone's sake. "You look so good in it~!"

"A-ah... th-thank you." Matt smiled. "You look good, too."

"Thanks~!" She spun to show off the long, sleeveless pink dress that glittered, but not too much. Her hair was done up in much more than her usual pony tail and she had on light, neutral make-up that wasn't over the top. Erity, on the other hand, was dressed in black and white frills, with a corset top and a lot of ruffles to expand her skirt. Dark make-up and her straight hair straighter than usual, topped off with platforms that made her almost as tall as Matt and a very feather-y headband. "Will you take off those goggles, Matt?" Linda reached up, but Matt stepped away.

"Nah." He smiled again. "I like them on." I smiled a little to myself.

"I'm glad everything worked out." Erity nodded to me. I shrugged, cramming my hands in my pockets.

"You, too," I decided. "She didn't kill you."

"I got let off easy. Best friend privileges." She smiled.

"I'm glad you two decided to come. I thought I was gonna have to make you." Linda giggled.

"Wouldn't expect anything less," I dismissed.

"Yes, well." Linda rolled her eyes. " I'm gonna have to ask though, you know? Are you two going as friends or as something more?" She grinned wickedly, as if she had won some sort of battle I didn't know I'd entered.

"That sounds like none of your business, doesn't it?" I snickered back.

"Oh, suspicious. No out-right denial?"

"Not today. I'd like to see you sweat it." Matt punched my shoulder.

"Ass," he smirked.

"What?" I gasped, mock-offended.

"Erity, you're the expert," Linda caught her friend once we were in the hall. "Are they together?"

"That sounds like none of your business, doesn't it?" Erity gave her friend a big smile.

"... I am mad at you again." Linda decided point-blank. Erity just laughed, but I knew for sure she would cave to Linda before I would. But the idea of Linda finding out didn't _totally_ repulse me. I mean, I wasn't really sure what there was to find out. I wasn't really sure where I stood with Matt at that exact moment in time. But I guess I would find out later. The then and there should be about enjoying our time at the dance. That we were going to. Together. For the most part. Probably.

The dance was like what I thought all dances would be like - although I had never actually attended a dance before. But had I been to one prior, I had the sneaking suspicion that it would be about the same. I was quite proud of the fact that it wasn't corny the way I thought it would be. I mean, it was a winter dance, so I was glad to find that there were no plastic and paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling and no fake snow/bits of paper littering the floor. Erity was almost immediately asked to dance by a boy I only vaguely knew, but knew for sure he was pretty far down rank-wise. Jeret asked Linda to dance, although I couldn't personally tell if it was just friendly because neither of them were already dancing, or if it was something personal.

I stood next to Matt, alone. Well, not alone. I mean, obviously, with Matt. And a room full of other kids. Not really alone. But it felt alone. Well, no. I mean, I felt alone with Matt, although that doesn't really make a lot of sense either, so whatever the version of alone is when you're with another person. But just one other person. A person you feel a littkle awkward being "alone" with, but not in a I-don't-know-what-to-say-to-you-we-have-nothing-in-common way, more in a I-kind-of-want-to-kiss-you-but-we're-in-public-and-the-same-gender kind of way.

Wait, kiss?

"Wanna dance?" Matt asked - blurted - interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh... um... is that...?" I murmured, a little afraid of meeting his eyes, but the room was dark anyway, so I wasn't sure if my fear was just stupid anyway.

"It's fine. I mean... do you care?" He paused. "I can't say it's fine." He laughed a little. "But I don't... care," he added, rubbing his neck. "But I get if you care."

"No." I shook my head. "I mean, we're at a dance. We're supposed to dance, right? That's the point," I murmured.

He took my hand, making me flinch, which in turn made him flinch back. Which would have looked utterly ridiculous to anyone watching had the room not been so dark and their attention so much elsewhere. "S'okay," I answered, trying to relax myself. "S'okay," I repeated, squeezing his hand and pulling him towards the dance floor. I was surprised when he pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me - finding the action uncharacteristically outgoing for Matt. But it was actually kind of... nice. So I just let it happen. Only a small part of me worried about who could have seen us, and what consequences might come out it. Most of me was totally okay with it. I mean, what was there to not be okay with? It was nice, I liked it, I should continue to do it.

Had living always been this...

Simple?


End file.
